Alfred， You are deeply missed
Alfred, my beloved husband left me on 28th June. I was in deep sorrow and could not stop cring.
Thank you Wil for arranging the celebration of Life, and giving each one as much time as we would talk about Alfred. I spent several evenings on this writing. Now I was able to reconcile with my deep grief to Alfred.
In recent 5 years, we had hard time in our marriage. His weight getting less, temper getting worse, mood getting down and our arguments getting more. He did not response my talk and prefered lying on the big chair most of time. Our Family Doctor refered him for a Alzheimer test in Vancouver Dimond. I accompanied him to a hearing test. Each report came out in good results. I used to call him Big Baby as he always need my care physically and emotionly. But since the testing results were good. I was running out pateince with a angry big baby. So I spent more time alone by myself, I went out enjoy the nature and my grandkids. Now I have reliazed his lazy was caused by his sicknes. But none of us knew it. If I knew...this made me so guilty after he was dignozed as sever cancer. Actually, In his last three months of life, he showed many caring to me. We were back to the time we were in deep love. We were able to communicate calmly and equally. We made travle plans for his dicharge, we made dicision for funeral arrangement, mostly we would recall the good time we once had.
Yes, we did had lots of fun for many years. We knew each other as friends in late 2003, and married in BC in December 2004, up to now almost 19 years.
Alfred's friends said that Alfred was lucky to find me. But my friends also said I was luck to have him.
Because of him, I started to live in Vancouver, the most beautiful city in the world. And Alfred knows I love Canada and maybe I love Canada more that he does.
Alfred was sympathetic person. At first I did not understand why he donated to various Charity organizations. Whenever I picked up the Charity letters from mailbox and handed them to him, I would made a joke: Please oh please donate on me, I am so poor. He would gave me all of his coins in his pockets and wallet. I would show my happy surprise: Oh, Golden coins! I am rich now. He then laught a lot. This was the joke we had all through our 19 years.
Alfred was a reponsible man, he suported our living and travling. He also made me rich in my hobbies.
My only hobby before immigrant was to work. As a single mother I was addicted to work and afraid of weekend and holidays. Then Alfred appeared , he changed my unhealthy style of life after we lived together.
Alfred let me know classical music and what Bel Canto is. I had Kara OK equipment in my Shanghai home, the songs I knew most were Chinese revolution songs. I sang with Kara OK proudly to Alfred one day. To my surprise, he did not applaud. He said to me: singing should be like this way.(How?) O Solo mio~ .Later, I knew it was only piece he could sing. But that kind of vocalization was nicer,I admitted. That year, I joined Bonsa Singalong Class.
We often went to symphony at Orpheum theater performed by Vancouver Academic Music Orchestra. Alfred liked donate to others, and he liked more to economize to himself. He always bought seniors tickets with very good price ( 15 years ago, it was 5 dollars for a senior, 10 dollars for an adult. Now it is 11 dollars for senior & children). After a few years, I was able to enjoy Symphony together with him, and now. And I now can say I love classical music.
Alfred changed my dancing preference from Ballroom dancing to Hawaii Dancing. After we married, he said to me seriously: I knew you went to ballroom dancing in Shanghai. But now you have me as your husband. Your hands should not be touched by any other men! One day I sneaked out to Bonsa ballroom dance with my Taiwanese friend Lisa. I was very popular that afternoon. I could not hide my exciting and smiling when back home. Alfred asked me what happened to you? I said: Oh, I was so popular in the dancing! He said nothing. The next week, Alfred drove me to Renfrew Community Center and paid Seniors Hawaiian Dance Class registration fee for me. He said that senior Hawaiian dancing style was elegant and gentle, good to your health. Now I really love hula dancing.
Alfred taught me how to enjoy paintings. He even made me to paint. I remember we once visited a Russian Painting Exhibition in Shanghai which was my 1st time to the art show. Alfred spent long time to look at one painting, and then another. I got bored immediately, I said to him: OK you enjoy these paintings, I will sit at the exit waiting for you. Later both of us often laugh loudly at that conversation.
When I studied in Vancouver Adult high school, I chose Fine Art class because I hoped to know something that my husband did. Vancouver School Board organized a study trip to Paris, and the spouse could join the trip . It was in 2008, we went to French class in the Vancouver west for the Paris trip. I gave up french quickly, but Alfred finished French lessons.
In Paris we visited various exhibitions & galleries. We did many sketching. Alfred's drawings were always spoken highly by local people and our teacher. It was such beautiful time!
When we back to Vancouver, Fine art teacher invited Alfred to our class for free. There were three classes per week, sketching in the parks, painting in the school,visiting art galleries along Granville Street. I always walked beside of Alfred, he would tell me his feeling to each painting, and would tell me how he understood artiest, how to appreciate the paintings.
After my high School graduation, we joined Killarney Art Club. Every Friday, we went there to draw, to paint, and to chat with people. I was worried that my paintings had no shadows. Alfred said: it is OK, as your heart has no shadow. Now I gave up painting, only do the coloring, but I have a membership card in Art Gallery Vancouver, as I now can enjoy the art in a relax way.
Alfred once was my Math teacher when I took Math 11 at Adult School, I could not understand why A squared plus B squared equals C squared. He spent at least an hour and several papers to convince me that A squared plus B squared is C squared. the next year I got A for my math12.
There were many many good times we had. We traveled a lot. It would take long time to go though all the travels we had around 20 countries in the world.
However, our religions were different. When Alfred made proposal to me, I said No to him because I was a christian . Then He said: You could change me to Christian someday, God would be happy with that. I thought for a while, then I said yes to his proposal.
After we married, Alfred drove me to different churches and sat with me for worship, he wished I could find a church suitable for me. I went to Presbyterian Church 45th E ave. for many years, Alfred drove me to and picked me up from Church almost every Sunday, as well as Wednesday Ladies Bible Study. He accompanied me to Orpheum Theater for Handle's Messiah together with our Church people. In fact my Church people especially seniors all knew him and liked him. They said to me: your husband Alfred is a very nice man, lets keep praying for him.
I don't know what happened in Alfred last two months when he was in the bed. But I know only almighty God can change him. I felt so happy that Alfred became a Christian two days before he passed away. So we will meet again in God's room. It gave me great comfort that Christ Church Cathedral Vancouver baptized Alfred on 9th July.
By the time we meet again, I am sure both of us will be better persons, we will know how to love each other. As we are all Christians and we have God's blessings.
I will read “Love” in Bible (Whenever I quarreled with him in jealous. He would recite it): Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Let's pray: Our Heavenly Father, I am so thankful that my beloved husband Alfred is with you. He is absent from the body, present with the Lord. He is walking the streets of heaven in perfect peace. Deer God, Please comfort my heart as I am still in deep sorrow over my loss of his presence. In Jesus name, I pray.