1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in

Some worldly advice:- Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.