Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you wish, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Abbott said to him: "Brother John, you have been here 5 years now. You may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard Bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbott said. "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "

You may say another two words, Brother John."

"Cold Food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I Quit," said Brother John.

"It is probably best," said the Abbott. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she has a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is ? the battle, sometimes everything.

----
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛for the wife
who says it's hot dogs tonight,
because she is home with me,
and not out with someone else.

for the husband
who is on the sofa
being a couch potato,
because he is home with me
and not out at the bars.

for the teenager
who is complaining about doing dishes
because it means he is at home,
not on the streets.

for the taxes I pay
because it means
I am employed.

for the mess to clean after a party
because it means I have
been surrounded by friends.

for the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means
I have enough to eat.

for my shadow that watches me work
because it means
I am out in the sunshine

for a lawn that needs mowing,
windows that need cleaning,
and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.

for all the complaining
I hear about the government
because it means
we have freedom of speech.

for the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking
and I have been blessed with transportation.

for my huge heating bill
because it means
I am warm.

for the lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means I can hear.

for the pile of laundry and ironing
because it means
I have clothes to wear.

for weariness and aching muscles
at the end of the day
because it means I have been
capable of working hard.

for the alarm that goes off
in the early morning hours
because it means I am alive.

and finally, for too much e-mail
because it means I have
friends who are thinking of me.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said, "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and
are eyeing each other's cups.

Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So don't let the cups drive you ... enjoy the coffee instead.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
-- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
-- Author Unknown更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a customer had bought a soap box that was empty.

Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on and as each soap box passed the fan it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story: KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) i.e. Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem.

Another one:-

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface). In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did Russians do??

The Russians used a Pencil!

So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. This means that since we have 6 Billion people in the world, 1.5 Billion are ill, and need to be in mental hospitals. This is why we have so many mentally ill people on the loose. If you check three friends, and if they're fine, you need to check yourself into a mental institute.

2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.

4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor, if you are already there.

11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.

13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.

14. Clothes make the person. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

15. Vital papers will demonstrate their disappearing act by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

16. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

17. A .44 Magnum beats the best poker hand.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Moments are what shape and define our lives; they determine who and where we are today, where we want to go in the future.

Through relationships or life, the moments define what kind of person or friends you want in your life.

It's the moments that you win or lose, the moments that someone makes you feel happy or sad, the moments, the pictures, vacations, events, the encounters that you will always remember, the unforgettable 1st's that you remember & sometimes hold on to forever, they are all moments.

Live for the one moment upon you, for it can change your life forever so make the best of it. Life is short, so don't go another day, hour or minute and regret a moment that could have changed your life!

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"

"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"

Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met.

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

I see your IQ test results were negative.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net