What Women Want

guest (whatmenwantwomen)
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One Night Stand posted 12-16-2000 03:50 PM
I by no means want to come off as a complete perv, but I have a serious question and would appreciate a direct answer. For the record, I am 30, male, and in a longterm monogomous relationship. Here goes:
Are women even CLOSE to being as preoccupied with sex as men? I have had a few purely sexual relationships with women, with no emotional attachment, but it seems the women willing to do that are nearly non-existent! So, I guess my question is two-part:

1. Are women --in general-- as sexually-centered as men and just better at hiding it? (and why hide it?) and:

2. Why aren't women willing to have purely physical relationships?

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Significant Other posted 12-18-2000 10:01 AM
Hey Webster,
I guess being a woman makes me somewhat of an expert on the issue you have brought up. I do think that women are just as preoccupied with sex as men are. But there is one thing that prevents us from showing this out right. Society!!! It has been drilled into our heads that if we are forward about sex then we are sluts, whores, etc. So I guess for most of us we keep these thoughts and feelings hidden away. I was married for 17 years and always thought it was my wifely duty. This thought totally ruined what could have been a great relationship on a physical plain. Older and wiser now, I have learned that it's better to keep the sexual thoughts on an open forum. The person I am involved with now is overwhelmed with my openness to the physical side of things.
As for why women are not able to have just purely physical relationships. Well I truly cannot answer that question. I guess for me it's giving a part of myself, and I am not really up to just giving it to anyone. So I guess this is where the emotional side of things come into play. One thing I did find was that just being physical with a man more or less led him to turn away. It made me feel less of a person.
Ok, well I gave this one a try.


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Thomas A. Paine
Torrid Affair posted 12-19-2000 05:49 AM

Moonroze -- nice post, as always.

My only input is that the so-called "zip-less fucks" did exist, but it was reported as only slight more satisfying for those women who I know than was masturbation.

The brain remains the largest sex organ for the true romantic, but a quick anonymous roll in the hay does fit into the picture somewhere.

Sorry - Thomas, XY butting in, Paine

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One Night Stand posted 12-31-2000 04:00 PM
I went thru phases where sex was on my mind all the time. The first thing I thought when I met a guy was would I sleep with him. I was lucky to be in Berkeley where I could have sex with friends and acquaintences, and we could all be honest about it. I was exploring myself, intimacy, relationships - but I wasn't ready for anything serious. I had a great time and I'm glad I did it.
Now that I'm with the man I'm going to marry I don't think about sex as often. I still love sex just as much, but don't want it as often. I prefer to have a couple afternoons a week of love making than I do sex every night.

Many of my female friends have gone thru similar phases. But then again my friends are assertive women who are honest with themselves and others about what they want.

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Significant Other posted 01-08-2001 02:39 PM
I wonder why you have developed a lack of want for sex now that you are with someone on a permanent basis. Gee, I have to say there is not a moment that goes by that I wouldn't love having sex. I think about it ALL the time. Maybe it's my age now or something, but it drives me NUTS!!!

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One Night Stand posted 01-12-2001 01:55 PM
Actually I think it's more because I look at porn all day rather than my relationship. I've become somewhat jaded (and I've only been in the industry 2 years.)

We're also in kind of a stressful time since we're trying to sell our house and get a property in Maine. We have so much to do before moving. And I don't deal with stress as well as I should.

Recently I went off the pill for the first time in 8 years. I'm sure that's affecting my hormones, but I haven't been off long enough to know.

And before I get even further off topic...

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Significant Other posted 01-12-2001 02:58 PM
Hi Steph,
Congrat's on the move. I can sure relate with you on the stress factor, with the holidays, my divorce, school, Exams, Deaths in the family, and everyday life I can sure understand how stress can run your life. Myself though, I know the more stressed I am the more horny I get. Also, you going off the pill will certainly work against you. I do hope you can take time out to find more intimacy with your guy. Things will get better.

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Torrid Affair posted 01-12-2001 10:07 PM
I know this is about way off the topic, but something Steph said got me to thinking about the "looking at porn all day" thing.
I never in my wildest dreams thought that I'd get paid (in a left hand sort of way) for looking at porn all the time. Nor did I believe it would become as passe for me as it has.

What I think is really rather neat, however, is that, though I can look at sixty gazillion women in all states of attempted enticement and, frankly, no longer bat an eye -- let alone sport a woody -- my wife still makes me spring to action with just a glance or a thought.

Gotta admit, I think it's pretty cool.

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Thomas A. Paine
Torrid Affair posted 01-13-2001 12:42 AM
Amen, brother. Amen.
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Ball n Chain posted 01-15-2001 11:48 AM
hey everyone.. good topic!
you know as for myself, I go through phases. I have only had one person in my past (who does surface now and again) that I have a purely physical thing with. We have a friendship too, but it goes in fits and starts, and he's the only person I can think of where this really has worked. At least for me, I can't speak for him and I can't say that I really even know, since we've never talked about it.

Usually I find myelf wanting (or having when I *don't* want it) emotional attachment that comes with sex/play so things either wither completely or turn into more.

I go in periods of thinking about sex all the time (and trying to seduce Jim a lot) to just having it fade into the background. I'm pretty ok with that.

I wonder about the porn though. Sometimes I think it affects Jim's sex drive, now that he's done this for over 3 years. I know it does me, but when I feel like things are waning I just go find a site that IS a turnon, (usually S/M stories) to get my motor going again.

And hey Steph, great to see you posting in here! We should talk sometime... :)

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One Night Stand posted 01-15-2001 12:41 PM
Totally off of the subject, but...I agree with Steve. I've been on the net for 40-50 hours a week for at least 6 years now. I've seen things I never thought existed. I've seen 10's of thousands of naked women. I still find it quite appealing. However, more than ever, it's my wife that I fantasize about. She's the one I want to be with not the 20 year old with the fake tits and perfect body.

That's just my opinion. Of course, I could be wrong.

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One Night Stand posted 01-15-2001 01:50 PM
Jane - pleasure to be here I'm so glad you guys got an easy to read forum.
On to sex drive...
I'm also wondering if working at home has decreased my sex drive. It's hard to feel sexy in sweat pants - It was different in the summer when we had to work naked

But I'm sure all will be better when we finally make it to our dream home in Maine:

[This message has been edited by Steph (edited 01-15-2001).]

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One Night Stand posted 08-15-2001 11:39 PM
Ok...obviously you can't clump us all into one heap! Just like anything else, you are going to find some women more "sexual" than others.
but...I can only speak for myself...

I am extremely sexual, and have been for as long as I can remember. Even before I was old enough to have sex, I fantasized about it, and I even remember...amazingly enough...when I was 12, drawing a photo of myself tied up, naked...obviously waiting for my demise...of being "taken" (mind you, it would have been against my will, and would have not been a bad mark on me, only being 12 and all)

I love sex, and actually am one of the few, having the ability of simple recreational sex, with no feelings attached. It isnt easy to find people who share that mindset...whether it be women OR men. You see, men always say that they are like that, until they meet up with a woman who IS like that, then it all becomes a challenge to get her to fall for him, in actuality, what ultimately happens is HE ends up falling...(cat and mouse game)

I have a couple men I have shared this with for years now, men who I know can move on the next day with no more of a "cya"...no expectations. One is my very best friend, we both have the deepset understanding that our friendship is more important than sex, and we have sex...play every chance we get, but when it is inconvenient, our friendship remains...inconvenient as in one of us is in a monogamous relationship or something of the sort.

I DO love sex...but, not just sex with anyone, of course, I have to be attracted, there has to be something chemical going on, I dont agree with handing over my sexual energy to just anyone, that person has to be the type who will return the energy, not hoard it, which unfortunately, so many men do (which is why many women feel empty after a sexual encounter with some men) "one night stands" are often that way, simply because there is not a good energy connection there...see, an energy connection is not contingent on "emotional connection". Emotions are another subject...

Yes, I am an extremely sexual and sensual person...or, as a friend puts it, sensexual. I live with a passion, if I cannot put my entirety into it, why bother? Sex is a wonderful thing, and at that moment, I am with that person 100%. The next moment...or day, I am throwing my passions into something else, it could be anything...whatever I happen to be doing at that time. I forget my passions of yesterday, and live in the moment.

Which...on paper, sound great, and works for me, but ultimately, when another places expectations on me, either with or without my knowledge...I fail them, and somehow they feel hurt because I did not live up to their expectations.

I am learning to live with this in myself...where as, as a younger soul, I beat myself up trying to live up to all the expectations...now, 38, wiser, I accept this in myself.

Sex? Yes, I love it!
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2001-9-3 -04:00
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