Love in north america

shayatouchen (shayatouchen)
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He always calls her" shayatou", 'cause in his eyes, she is just a little shayatou.

The first time she knew him, just because she wanted to get some information about study and universities. On the other side of phone, he sounded like a thin, professional, nice guy with glasses. Yes, he is very nice. He gave a lot of useful and sincere suggestions on study, development and of course universities to her. They talked happily, more and more, they talked wide range of topics, about hometown, about some interesting stuffs back home, he told her his funny experience. She just kept teasing him, he didn't get angry, just "hey hey hey" on the other side. They enjoyed talking to each other. Every time after talking to him, she felt so happy, and she didn't know why.

One day, she suddenly sent one e-mail to him, nothing special, just chatting. He said what she wrote, " from the age of 16, I had been floating around, and the world is my home, and I don't know where I will settle down, though I am also eager to stable life..." attacked his heart. She got his reply soon in her office, on that snowing day, after she read his mail, she found that, tears just washing her face, quietly.

" Yes, I do understand your feeling, as I had the same feeling as you before. In that huge north american city, I loved and failed, loved and failed again. By the time I left it, I looked back, the only thing I had was two master's degree, and a broken heart. Then after two years of wandering around in north america, every time I think of that huge city, I have a feeling of home, because I thrown my heart, my courage, and my hope in that beautiful north of suburb of C. However, last year, I went back to C for a conference, I found myself in tears when driving through once familiar neighborhood, when the girl I used to care about lived. That's when I told myself, ' maybe it's time that you went home, it's time that u leave this strange land'......"

It's a crowded noon. In office, everyone is talking about lunch, talking about the damn weather. She threw herself into her own world. She couldn't hear anything else. Tears are out of control. She doesn't know why, she feels so upset and moved. How she wishes she was the girl, who could be taken care of him. She would never regret for her life. She even envy that girl, who was so cruel to break his heart. She couldn't see herself, she looses herself. They are just common friends, who keep talking through phone. They never meet, but the feeling is so familiar, just like they know each other well.

" Early this year, I got back to China. Although I didn't have any friends in that city, when I looked at people on the street, when I talk to people, my heart was filled with a comfortable soft feeling. North America is a tough place, everything is so foreign to me, so hard, metal hard, and cold. The loneliness pushed two loved people together TOO close, then the loneliness again tore them apart. Because everything here is so hard, include your heart, when it comes time that heart broke, it breaks completely. The only good thing after all these is that, you find that you are not afraid of anything any more."

Her eyes are unclear again. " What's going on?" The black guy sitting besides her asked her friendly. " Are you okay?" She wiped her tears suddenly, and snatched a piece of smile, " Yes, I am fine. Don't worry. Something wrong with my contacts only. Thanks for asking." He pat on her shoulder, " Don't worry, everything will be okay. Look at the good side." " Yes, I will. Thanks" She did really appreciate his care. He is a nice guy. " Have a good lunch." She smiled to him. " Oh, girl, for sure, I will. You too."

" I don't know why I told you all this, maybe I sensed something familiar in you, maybe I saw the way you are determined to undertake was the way I had come from. T is nicer than C, because its mild weather and it has a far larger Chinese population. But I know you still have to face the loneliness and the feeling of helpless. The only thing I want to tell you is, never let dream die, the dream in your heart is the most beautiful thing in the world, it's the only thing that can carry you over your worst time. Don't think too much of the outcome, the process of struggling to your dream is the time that you can really remember all your life. I actually failed my dream, because I messed my personal life. I think you can do better if you are careful enough and if you can keep your heart open."

Ai, she signed lightly. She looked at the dancing snow outside the window. His words dragged her to another world, which lighted her dark life and soul. She couldn't say how deeply she need this kind of warmth. She couldn't tell how well he knows her. She couldn't say, the first time in her life, she was so moved by somebody, even though it's his love for another girl. She only knows, to be his lover, would be the most wonderful thing in the world.

But she couldn't and, wouldn't think more, deeper, as she was just hurt badly, and no longer believes any cinderella, and crystal shoes. No, it's not her age, it's not her story. But she really envies that girl, who was once loved by him.

Yes, she did.

---- Part one ----
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