HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL (--- no new words this time)

wjiang (wjiang)
<本文发表于: 相约加拿大:枫下论坛 >

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soup.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth
open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table, Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet Steak. Hold
head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right
eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new Table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if
they have any hamsters.


1. Wrap it in bacon
<本文发表于: 相约加拿大:枫下论坛 >

2001-2-2 -04:00

回到话题: HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL (--- no new words this time)

回到论坛: HOME枫下论坛枫下论坛主坛枫下沙龙休闲娱乐