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ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE OUTGOING MESSAGES
RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS
INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES.
(There's bound to be one...)
1.My wife and I can't come to the phone right now,
but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get
back to you as soon as we're finished.
2.A is for academics, B is for beer. One of
those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone
company, I already sent the money. If you are
my parents, please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution,you didn't lend me
enough money. If you are my friends, you owe
me money. If you are a female, don't
worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering
machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait
for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you
soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This
is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll
stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am
capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need
siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are
clean.They give to charity through their office and do
not need their picture taken. If you're still with
me,leave your name and number and I will get back
10. This is not an answering machine-this is a
telepathic thought-recording device. After the
tone,think about your name, your number and your
reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding
someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't
call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer
the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait
by your phone until I call you back.
13. Hi! If you are a burglar, we're probably at
home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to
the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and
it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have
the right to remain silent. Everything you say will
be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Ricky and Susan. We
can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing
something we really enjoy. Susan likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real
slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done
brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
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