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我想发个传真查询MY CASE,请问这样写行不行?请各位高人指点!谢谢!

Visa Section
Canadian Consulate General
Hong Kong

Dear visa officer

My name is XXX (date of birth: April 15, 2001) I lodged an application for Permenent Risidence to Canadian Consulate Hongkong on August 27 by courrier (EMS).
However, 2 months passed and I haven't receive your
acknowledgement of receipt of my application yet. I wish to know if you received my application or not and what's the situation of my application.

My contact is (address, ph. and fax numbers or email)
Thanks and regards
Yours sincerely
xxx
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