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The WHIGGIE (White Guy Groupie)
A brief profile of Asian women afflicted with "white fever"
ORIGINS: A subset of women of Asian ethnicity, usually found
residingin major U.S. cities, ,,,,,,
- Poorly developed self-identity. Pathetically insecure with themselvesand their ethnicity.
- Resentment of father's traditional, authoritarian
upbringing(whether real or perceived).
- Brainwashed into believing that they, as AF's, are more
desirablethan other women in an exotic lotus blossum kinda
Willingness to pander to western media sexual
stereotypes of AF's, which they perceive as a marketing
- Thoroughly whitewashed. Desperate need to fit into "
mainstream"(i.e. white) society and to distance themselves
from their Asianheritage.Racial inferiority complex.
- Feigned air of superiority when dealing with members of
own race and any other minority groups. In need of major
- Exaggerated, whiny, Encino-esque valley girl accent.
- Delusions of grandeur..."I want it all...and that begins
with theright (i.e. white) guy...". Asian-American princess
- Uncanny ability to determine one's nationality, occupation
, earnings capacity and make of auto within three minutes of
- Exaggerated perception of white males' value in increasing
- Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt and perpetuate
fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian men.
- A compulsion to trash Asians, particularly Asian men, in
order tojustify their autoracist tendencies, placate their
guilt andbolster their self esteem.
- Extremely shallow, self centered, argumentative and boring
- Disdains ethnic studies; regards it as a major threat to
hercarefully constructed, self-deceptive whiggie identity
- Despises all Asian men, with the occasional exception of
theirbrothers (after all, they share the same genes)
- Believes that racism does not exist because she, as an AF,
hasnever experienced it first hand, or is too dense to
realize it.Besides, thoseasiaphiles are so nice to her (
while plotting to get into her pants)
- Gets a warm fuzzy feeling when watching The Joy Luck Club,
whilesnuggled up to her geeky asiaphile boyfriend.
- Believes that the only reason an Asian person would
disrespect heris because they are racist
- Has lost count of how many WM's she's done this month
- The wet-dream come true for socially-handicapped caucasian
nerds whoareunable to attract caucasian women
- Threatened and insecure in the presence of any culturally-
perceptive Asian person or any AM not fitting her stereotype
of thequiet, marginalized, "model minority" geek
- Fundamentally insecure, utterly confused, lacking in self-
- Many aging whiggies, after being used and abandoned by WM'
s infavor of younger, more nubile whiggies and being
rejected by AM'swho see through their transparency, develop
a bitterness towardsall men, period.
- Denial of all of the above
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: a) Look of contempt when eyes meet those
of any non-white male, converting to beaming grin upon
sighting of WMvictim/target; b) terminal pout or c) bimbo-
ish expression that defiesdeep thought.
TYPICAL ATTIRE: Anything trendy, mainstream-looking and
seductive(especially if it's black and tight). Big hair (
perhaps their mostvaluable asset) tossed with hand every 15
seconds. Wonderbra. Fanaticalwhiggies have been known to
undergo certain procedures such as eyelidsurgery, breast
augmentation and vaginal tightening operations in orderto
increase their marketability to WM's. Blue contact lenses
andbleached-blonde hair have even been sported on occasion.
Note: attiremay vary depending on the specific type of WM
I.Q.: Too low to measure.
NATURAL HABITAT:Personal ad columns ("exotic, slim, SAF
seeks successful, generousSWM"), cheerleading squads,
sorority houses (role: token "orientalsisters"), T.V.
newsdesks, B-grade Kung-Fu flicks, trendy nightclubs(usually
found necking with aging WM's), Chinese restaurants (
slummingwith the WM and demonstrating that she's "in touch
with her heritage"),anywhere else frequented by white males.
TYPICAL WHIGGIE QUIPS:
age 10: "Mom, why do we have to be (Chinese/Japanese/Korean)
?Do you have to dress like that? And what's with dad and his
age 12: "Mom, I want an eyelid job for Christmas, okay?
"I've always only dated white guys. I don't know why, I just
"Race doesn't matter. I just happen to like white guys. It’
s just apreference."
"We are the world, we are the children...We....."
"I've gone out with all kinds of guys...Dutch, English,
French, German,you name it. Even went out with a Jewish guy
once! After all, love iscolor blind."
"Eeeew, Jennifer, how could you go out with that (insert
minority grouphere) guy!? Totally gross!
"Ooh, Roger, you're like, soooo strong and intelligent. Did
you say youdrive a beemer? Kewl! (giggle)"
"I want learn English better...you maybe teach, handsome man
? Are youU.S. citizen?" (yes FOB's can be whiggies too!)
"Like why would I want to go out with an Asian guy? They don
't own meor anything. Uhh, and besides, they're all male
chauvinists..anddomineering too...yeah, that's it! Didn't
you see The Joy Luck Club?"
Like, I'm dating *out* of my race, so how can I be racist?!!
CLOSELY RELATED TO: Racists, bigots, wannabes, ho's,
chameleons, whitesupremecists, a fish out of water
MEDIA REPRESENTATION/ROLE MODELS: Connie Chung, Amy Tan,
Lisa Ling,Margaret Cho, Sheryl Wu Dunn, any of The Joy Luck
Club protagonists(except the one who married an Asian dude).
NATURAL COUNTERPARTS: Asiaphiles...who else?
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