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daqiao (Bill)
1. The structure of the essay is not clear. I suggest you build a template for TOEFL essay writing and put every topic in this template. The structure of essay will improve dramatically;

2. As Jiang said, pay more attention to odd / plural numbers;

3. So many sentence are in Chinglish style. That means when you write this eaasy you translate Chinese into English. This is a bad habbit for all non-native writers. Try to avoid it;

4. Too many paragraphs.
(#38435@0)
2001-3-29 -04:00
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Back To Topic: Lovebeer, wjiang, egglinton,..... any other `Daxia`men, please take a look at my essay, what score can I get? please point out my errors, I will appreciate it. thank you.

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