七 PARKER: Lily in Dream

sailor (Sailor)
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我的脑子一片茫然。我的心里空荡荡的。

我回头看窗外。窗帘轻轻地颤抖着。微风从窗帘的缝隙钻进来。

我默默地想:Lily,Lily,……

----我现在明白她的来信中,抬头的称呼“Dear friend”,原来就是dear friend 的意思,没有别的意思。
----我现在体谅她从来不准我称呼她“honey” 或 “sweet”的心思。

我曾经以为是野百合的含蓄和矜持。

现在才想到,其实象野百合这样的女子,哪里会故做矜持之态?

第二天早上,我收到野百合表示感谢的一封email。

我思前想后,不知道怎么给她回信。最后,我写道:

Dear Lily,

You are welcome. You are always welcome.

As you said, we are friends, right? Whenever whatever you need me, I am always there for you. That's what a friend is for.

I am so happy to have a friend like you (even I am sad now)— I hoped more than just a friend.

I really realLy apreciate what you have given me. You can never imagine what my life was these days -- even only a few days. But It means so much too me.

I am glad to know you and your husband are going to Canada. You guys will have a better life there than in China. You don't need to worry about yourself too much.

During the morning and evening, if you like to talk to me, just let me know. OK?

You take care. Promise me, you do take good care of yourself.

PARKER

信发出去,我的心里说不出来苦涩的滋味。

后来的一个多月,野百合好象很忙。我很少在聊天室见到她。偶尔有她的email。一篇比一篇写得长。

她在email中,絮絮地诉说她怎样准备行囊,怎样跟她的许多的亲戚,朋友,同学和同事告别,怎样恋恋不舍她的美丽的家乡和她的阳台外宁静的黄昏的景色。---这令我遥遥地想象她:站在阳台上,脸上映着黄昏余晖的光芒。

我读她的信,我的心里面充满了哀伤。我曾经想有一天我可以见到她。我沉迷在对她的想象中。我在夜里梦见她。而如今她要从我的梦里走出去了。

我每天早早起床,开一个小时汽车去上班,晚上回到家,暮色沉沉。我打开聊天室的窗口,再也看不到窗台上含笑的野百合。

入睡前,我躺在床上,回忆她说过的话。我想念她的“hehe”的笑声,我想念她甜蜜温柔的嗓音。

在她离开中国的前两天,我给她写了一封email:

Dear Lily,

I had a dream last night. In the dream you move to here to be my neighbor. I saw you through the window. You looked exactly like what I thought.

Hehe, I thought in my life I must see you. If can't meet you before retirement, after I am retired I will go to there to meet you. Guess what will happen? We will think "oh my god, It's been 30 years long. "

Finally we meet face to face. At that time we both may be grandpa and grandma. -- I am an old guy and you are still a young lady. I will ask you for a photo which is taken during 1999. I want to know if you look the same as you are in my dream.

Lily, I miss you. I love you.
--- I wish you don't mind without your permission.

PARKER

信发出去以后,一直没有回音。

圣诞节前的一个星期,下了这个冬天第一场雪。我给野百合发了一张电子圣诞卡片。

放假一周,无所事事。聊天室里日益地热闹非凡。可是不见野百合。我不知道她现在怎么样了。不知道她安顿得好不好?我想她应该一切顺利,可是我又担心她。

元旦的时候,我又给野百合发了新年快乐的卡片。我写道:
Happy new year! Happy new life!
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2000-7-29 -05:00

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