八 野百合: 严冬里的春风

sailor (Sailor)
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出发前,我是不是已经有些后悔?我自己不甘心承认。我在离别的机场东张西望,不让我的眼睛停下来凝聚泪水。

当我降落在异国的土地上,透过模糊的玻璃窗和朦胧的夜色,我看着望不到边的一片白雪茫茫,心中没有喜悦,也没有悲伤。

过了两个星期以后,我重新回到网上。信箱里面塞满了乱七八糟的东西。有PARKER 的两封信和两张电子卡片。

我给所有人回信,报告平安。给PARKER 写道:

It’s damned cold here.
We are doing OK.

其实我想告诉他,我心里面不OK。

当我裹着厚厚的羽绒衣,拖着笨重的靴子,蹒跚地走在又湿又滑的雪地里,冷风吹得我的脸生疼,我怀念家乡四季温暖的阳光;当冷清的晚饭后,坐在昏暗的屋子里,看着窗外积雪覆盖的松树枝桠间,一只小松鼠快活地跳上跳下,我忧愁地想起我的远方的亲人和朋友。

为了提高我曾经洋洋自得的破烂英语,我乖乖地去语言学校报了名,每天规规矩矩地上学,听课,放学。

日子一天天过去,我的心情渐渐平静。---也许只是麻木。我回到聊天室消遣我的课余时间。

我在聊天室重新遇到PARKER。我奇怪,我为什么再见到他会这么开心和激动。--- 虽然他不断发来的email和电子卡片令我深深感激他的关怀和体贴。

我向他抱怨积雪的路上很难走路。我说上学等公共汽车时间很久,常常一个人站在冷清的车站,缩在寒风中簌簌发抖。

PARKER: You should learn driving, and buy a used car. A car will help you a lot in winter days.
野百合: I’d love to but the Canada government would not give me a driving license till I wait for 1 year.
PARKER: Really? They want you to stand by road and watch how cars run before they think you are qualified to drive a car?

我忍不住笑起来, 一边想象自己穿着厚厚的防寒服,傻乎乎地站在路边,象头笨熊一样呆看汽车跑路的样子。

PARKER: How was your weekend, Lily?
野百合: It’s ok. I went to the church.
PARKER: Begin to love the church?
野百合: Well, I can’t tell. There is peace. There are new friends.
PARKER: You didn’t see God there?
野百合: Hehe, no. Bye the way, what do you think God looks like?
PARKER: Well, I have no clear idea. But I think since he is God, he
should look like both male and female, and both white and black.
野百合: Oh, I see. I think you are talking about Michael Jackson.
PARKER: Haha. You are absolutely right except that one of them may make you peace of mind while the other may bring you excited expression.

我想,在这异国他乡陌生的冬天里,在这举目无亲,寂寞孤苦的心境下,是PARKER “makes me peace of mind and brings me excited expression”.

我对自己说:有这样的朋友真好。他对我,一如雷锋叔叔对待革命同志,“就象春天般温暖”。
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2000-7-29 -05:00

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