十 野百合: 遥遥两颗星 

sailor (Sailor)
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进入四月份以后,积雪已经完全消融,不留下一丝踪迹。冰雪覆盖过的草地,一日比一日地翠绿、新鲜起来。然后忽然在一夜之间,柔软的草坪上开满了黄色的雏菊,一丛丛金光灿烂。

春暖花开。

我找到一份晚上上班的part time 工作:给一家保险公司做telemarket。工作简单轻松,就是坐在电话机前,指着电话簿,一家一家地打电话过去,推销公司的养老保险和人寿保险计划。

打完电话,下班坐公共汽车回到家,常常已是夜里十一点钟。

这样,我白天继续上学读英语,晚上上班打电话。在来去匆匆之间,我体验到以往的生活从未给过我的忙碌和兴奋。

偶尔在黄昏或深夜,我有空去聊天室,和 PARKER见上一面。

我迫不及待地向他汇报我的如获新生的感觉。

他说:Good for you. Now you are talking to many people, many more than you ever talked in chat room.
我说:Sure. I am satisfied expect that most of them just listen to me and then answer me: No. Thank you.
他说:Well, if you call me and talk to me, I’ll say: Yes, pls. Thank you very much.

我微微地笑起来。我常想,PARKER一定在生活中经历了不少,所以才能够这样的宽容而善解人意。

我对他感到好奇,我问:
How old are you, Parker?
PARKER: Why do you want to know?
野百合:Because I didn’t know.
PARKER: You’ve been that for almost 1 year.
野百合:I don’t wanna be that anymore.
PARKER: Well, I am really old.
野百合:How old is really old?
PARKER: L
野百合:Ok. No matter how old you are, you are my OLD friend.
PARKER: Thank you, Lily.

PARKER 常常对我说:thank you。 可实际上我什么也没为他做过。倒是他常常地给我快乐的故事,给我忠告和意见,给我关怀和慰籍,给我勇气和力量。而我能够为他做什么呢?我很希望可以有个机会,做点什么,向他表达我心中对他的尊重和挚爱。

我在心里把PARKER当作是最亲密的朋友。我想,我和他是无边宇宙里的两颗星星,我们之间隔着很远很远的黑暗。可是星星的灵魂可以离开它们的轨道,穿过茫茫的空间,去和另一个灵魂相会。星星的光芒即使走了那么远的路,也还是明亮、温暖。

可是我担心:两颗星也许真的是离得太远了。会不会有一天,星星的灵魂迷了路,回不去原来的轨道呢?

不过看来我现在是旋转在一条非常繁忙的轨道上。因为忙,我不能天天去聊天室。可是即使去的时候,也很少看见PARKER。他在忙什么呢?

一天深夜,去睡觉前,我打开聊天室窗口,想看看PARKER在不在。我对着”all”打招呼:Hello? 一个叫“PRELUDE”的应我:Hi. How are you today?
我说:Not bad. You?
PRELUDE:So so.

我开头心不在焉。可是过了一会,我觉得这PRELUDE说话很有点象PARKER。我看到他说:“Upon whose bosom I can lie while I am tired on the journey.”我问他:Is it from some poem?
PRELUDE:Yeah.
野百合:Would you mind telling me your location?
PRELUDE:Never mind. / NY.
野百合:PARKER?

是PARKER,我想。
PRELUDE:I’m sorry. Got to go. Bye.
我手忙脚乱地敲:Wait, pls.

可是等我的这句话出现在屏幕上,PRELUDE 已经走了。

我给PARKER发了一封信,问他为什么走得那么匆忙。我写道:

HI PARKER,
昨晚上我和一个叫PRELUDE的聊了,是你吧?我觉得他话语间透着智慧的冷冰冰的幽默感,很象你。他也是从纽约来。很久没见你了。如果是你,为什么走得那么匆忙呢?你在忙什么?
LILY

我心里念着PRELUDE 的那句诗,“Upon whose bosom I can lie while I am tired on the journey.”诗句透着伤感。

第二天我收到PARKER的回信:

Dear lily,

Well, that was not me. I am not that 智慧 and dont have that much 幽默感, but thanks anyway. Hope you can find him and he will explain it clearly to you.

I feel I am too old to talk to you any more, becuase I had a dream, in which you said "You are too old" to me. You might have the same dream and you really DID say it…

I enjoyed the time with you. I really appreciated it and I still appreciate it. It made me feel younger and not lonely...I wished it could last longer.....

Anyway...

Best wishes and many thanks.

PARKER

我读着信的开头,急切地想往后面看。看到后面,不明白,重又回到信的开头。我读得很吃力,因为我的眼睛仿佛干涩了,转不动。我挺直背,仰起头,泪水在眼睛里打转。

泪水终于顺着我的两颊流下来。我还是不明白。我不明白他的意思,也不明白我为什么流眼泪。
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2000-7-29 -05:00

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