Would you work for this company?

sailor (Sailor)
本文发表在 rolia.net/zh 相约加拿大网上社区枫下论坛
This is a joke. Would you work for this company? Glad I don't!

Company Policy

To all current Employees:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for
department areas, we are forced to cut down on
our number of personnel. Under this plan, older
employees will be asked to go on early retirement,
thus permitting the retention of the younger people
who represent our future. Therefore, a program to
phase out older personnel by the end of the current
fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into
effect immediately. This program will be known as
SLAP (Sever Late Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPped will be given the
opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
Provided they are SLAPped, they can request a
review of their employment records before actual
retirement takes place. This phase of the
operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities
of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPed or SCREWed
may file an appeal with the upper management. This
is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination). Under the terms of the new policy,
an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED
twice, but SHAFTed as many times as the company
deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, s/he
will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for
Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP
(Combined Lump-Sum Assistance Payment) unless
he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From
Dependents or Spouse).

As HERPES or CLAP are considered benefit plans,
any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP
will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the

Management wishes to assure the younger employees
who remain on board that the company will continue
its policy to train employees through our Special
High Intensity Training (SHIT). This company takes
pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.
We have given our employees more SHIT than any
company in the area. If any employee feels they do
not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your
immediate supervisor.
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2000-5-19 -04:00
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