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George pushed open the door home and turned on the light. For two years, every time he opened the door, his heart wrenched that he couldn't accept the fact that Ruth wouldn't be home any longer. When Ruth was home, she would turn on every light. She always liked their home being bright. There would be music floating around the kitchen. Her presence was full of the house.
Sometimes when he stood before the dark house, he would hope that she could jumped out of some corner and give him a startle, just like she sometimes did, but he was only grieved to realize that she was gone forever.
He entered the living room, watching the ceiling light dragging his shadow long on the floor. He moved and the shadow followed him around. He sighed. His loneliness helplessly filled with the house.
When Ruth died, he isolated himself for many days and couldn't understand why that happened to him. His mother called and asked if they could go to church together. She would ask the pastor to pray for him. He flew into a fury and burst out shouting into the phone, 'If there is a God, why would Him let this happen? Why would He leave Ruth die? Doesn't He have mercy? Where was He that day?' He slapped the phone on the cradle. From that day, he didn't believe in God any longer. Something had left him forever on that day. He never attended church ever since.
Time passed. Almost three years had gone. All the angry and grief became dumbness. Like a river, which had experienced a storm, its surface quieted down. All the bitterness had sunk down to the bottom. The bank contained all the bitterness and loneliness. Nobody could see them from the surface.
He lighted a cigarette and walked to the back porch of the house. After Ruth died, he picked up smoking. Leaning against the rail, he watched the smoke floating up, spreading into the darkness. It stopped snowing sometime ago. He stood there frozen into a statue, lost in pondering. A long time passed before a blast of wind made him sneeze. He stubbed the cigarette on the railing, stepping inside the house.
It was another long dreadful night.
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