Gifted or not? my thought process

torontolife(Happay&full)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Read lots of posts from parents on gifted class and would like to share my two cents as well.

My daughter was extremely shy when she was little. We were approached by her teacher in Grade 3 to have her tested for gifted program . However we decided not to send her to a different school where the gifted program is offered. Decision was made because we were trying to help her to develop her social skills and overcome her shyness at that time,

We moved to the west end when she started junior high, due to my job change. It was tough for a pre-teen to adjust the new school and environment and moving away from her friends and social network is the most difficult thing, among all.

She started at the new school in November and by December, the home room teacher told us during the teacher-parent interview that we should get her tested for gifted. Again we refused because she was just cut from her previous social , and adjusted well to make a few new friends and established herself as a goal getter, a smart person with great attitude and excellent athlete. Going to gifted program meaning that she would have to go to a different school and do everything all over again. Our priority at that time is to help her adjust and be comfortable in the new school.

In grade 8, the same teacher approached us again and we agreed with the consent from my daughter that she would like to give it a try. Now she started Grade 9, in the gifted program and she has enjoyed it very much.

As parents, we need to make educated /conscience decision, you know your kids and you will make decision for THEIR best benefits, not to yours.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

(#9005478@0)
Last Updated: 2014-9-24

赞！是这样的，自己的孩子自己知道。没必要跟风。。。做什么样的决定，都和孩子商量着来。 -yipianyun9999(三孩子妈); 2014-9-24 (#9005559@0)

我就反驳你一句话：are you sure she would not be happy earlier if she could join gift earlier? -lilyba(sunshine 阳光灿烂); 2014-9-24 (#9005581@0)

说不定她更早就合群了如果她在3年级去gifted class。在那里她更容易找到志趣爱好相同的朋友。有研究说gifted 孩子在gifted class更有利于身心健康发展。 -wlmom(wlmom); 2014-9-24 (#9005602@0)

同意。我也犹豫过，虽然我家老大测出来＞99.9% ，我也怕自己变成那种推妈。后来他自己说要去，去了以后他很高兴，平常的behavior也比以前一下进步了很多。我觉得他需要这种承认感 -babyblue(babyblue); 2014-9-24 (#9005643@0)
是.应该鼓励孩子尝试新事物.尽量让孩子自己做主. -qqqqq(有翼自薄); 2014-9-24 (#9005651@0)
+1, a lot of kids with behavior issues actually enjoy gifted program and totally changed their behavior after a while.The torture for this poor kid can be avoided much earlier.Sadly the parent is thinking they are doing a good thing for their kid. -guokeyesterday(昨日过客); 2014-9-25 {49} (#9006819@0)
Hopefully other parents don't make such mistake.

的确是这样，我认识一孩子，在学校里特别招人讨厌，没有朋友。父母花钱又重考了一次才进入到“天才班”去了，不知道现在修炼得怎么样了。 -whwy(Breeze); 2014-9-25 (#9007386@0)

我也常这么说：我都是为了你好，不是为了我自己。 -xiaoyu2012(笑语); 2014-9-24 (#9005607@0)

当初我家孩子去的时候，这个人际关系也是我们最大的担心，孩子自己也不太愿意换学校。我们对孩子说，试一下，不行就换回来，孩子去了GP后，很快就适应了，没发生什么大事。 -haploidus(今剩叹); 2014-9-24 (#9005637@0)

Just a thought, different teachers suggested same thing to you multiple times, yet you refused again and again without even trying, how come that's "for THEIR best benefits"? -hellyeah(StoneCold); 2014-9-24 {493} (#9005875@0)

What you did is based on a big assumption that "my daughter wouldn't fit in if I put her in gifted program earlier", and that, is an assumption of failure because you never tried. Even after your daughter proved herself a big girl could fit in new environment just fine, you refused again.

Big chance there, your daughter missed a good 4 years of "gifted" program education, which could potentially developed her talents much further.

Ever heard Pink's "Try"? An inspiring song,

She may have been better off in the gifted program if she started earlier, I would be wrong not sending her to GF earlier on, but who knows. -torontolife(Happay&full); 2014-9-24 {75} (#9005947@0)

Decision is made based on my observation of her... so this is just our case

I saw the decision is made because your job changed. 当然这也没啥错，父母十有八九会这么做。只是不喜欢你说for her benefits. -lilyba(sunshine 阳光灿烂); 2014-9-24 (#9006020@0)

我觉得不送孩子去GP比送孩子去肯定是更困难的决定，能够这样替孩子考虑，挺难得的。孩子适应能力不一样，挺理解家长这样选择的 -wade(wade); 2014-9-24 (#9006365@0)

这是我看到的关于gifted program最好的post，孩子的需要才是最重要的。做家长的应该明确什么才是自己孩子最需要的。 -nounou2009(nou); 2014-9-24 (#9006758@0)

基本上都是家长的判断。 -retirecat(); 2014-9-25 (#9006830@0)

我家是孩子自己做主，我们都没把这些特别当回事儿，在哪上学不是上啊。 -whwy(Breeze); 2014-9-25 (#9006812@0)

说得好极了，尤其最后一句亮点！gifted program被看得太重了，当然我这麽说，又会被拍砖。 -320(Arwen); 2014-9-25 (#9007055@0)

管理时间，独立学习，自我控制，与同学交流，适应环境的技能，在哪里都可以学到，学分，学校不能起定性作用。 -whwy(Breeze); 2014-9-25 (#9007244@0)

我家也是.小孩的事小孩自己做主.3岁半时幼儿园都是自己挑的.大不了挑错了再换呗 -qqqqq(有翼自薄); 2014-9-25 (#9007067@0)
Same here. 孩子压根就没想换学校，不想离开同学。。。不过，当他被通知GIFTED的时候，我浇了点冷水，让他知道这没有什么了不起的。。。他和其他同学没什么俩样。 -yipianyun9999(三孩子妈); 2014-9-25 (#9007357@0)

我家的四年级去了半年又回来了。她是觉得朋友少，估计是一去就是混班。加上她也是很内向的人。现在回来原来的学校, 至少不用我们压迫着去上学。但是学的东西确实还没有gifted那时的深, -llxgrace(浅绿深蓝); 2014-9-25 {18} (#9007203@0)

她有点无聊和后悔。

不去gift，真的这么难选择么。我女儿学校，我所知道的考上gift的孩子，还没一个转学的呢。（我们这里gift，跟你们一样，俩选择，继续留本校或转学去有gift 班的学校。） -lilyba(sunshine 阳光灿烂); 2014-9-25 (#9007440@0)

我们是home school有gifted，我还犹豫了一段时间 :) -babyblue(babyblue); 2014-9-25 (#9007549@0)

我认识的家长，也够“惯”孩子的。女孩考上gift，那个学校离她家更近。她不乐意转学。爸爸每天早晨送，妈妈每天下午接。家长每天多花1个小时。 -lilyba(sunshine 阳光灿烂); 2014-9-25 (#9007579@0)

我自问做不到呀 -babyblue(babyblue); 2014-9-25 (#9007771@0)

那为何必还要自急花钱找人测. -sapphire2013(姗姗来迟); 2014-9-25 (#9008239@0)

并不是一定是为了进gifted才需要去测呀，你是我认识的人吗？如果是认识的，应该知道我们其实是想对孩子多些了解去测的。而且我很高兴我做了这个测试，很多以前我困惑的地方得到了解释。 -babyblue(babyblue); 2014-9-25 (#9008383@0)

正常家长大概都会觉得比较难决定吧，毕竟是一个机会，和挤破头进好学区一个道理。去不去自然是家长根据自己孩子情况做决定 -wade(wade); 2014-9-25 (#9008409@0)

你说得很好, 不过还是要看情况. 我家的例子是这样 -callsunday(sunny); 2014-9-25 {1151} (#9007646@0)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛我原来住在东面, 孩子的学校就在家门口. 他被鉴定为gifted 后, 我们还让他在原来的学校. 孩子的意愿当然是原来的学校; 大人的考虑是, 我们正在准备搬家, 孩子去了gifted school, 我们一搬家又要换学校. 结果搬家的过程拖了2年. 到了西面, 首先进的home school. 学校排名1000多, 学校根本不重视学习, 每天就是让孩子自己玩.
半年后孩子有选择是继续留在原来的学校还是去gifted, 这时候已经是8年级了. 孩子的妈妈和孩子都不希望转去gifted school, 离家远, 没有了刚刚认识半年的朋友, 他妈妈甚至担心孩子会失去优越感.

是我坚持转学的. 转学后证明是对的, 别的孩子和他都一样, 没有人再觉得他是monster了. 这里需要一些背景介绍: 我们住东区的时候, 小学的孩子就开始date, 而我儿子对这个混混鄂鄂不感兴趣; 在我们要搬家的时候, 我儿子对他的同学说, 我要搬家了, 结果同学说"good, we don't have to look like an idiot any more". 孩子自己觉得是恭维的话, 同时也看得出he does not belong to them.

8年级去了一年的gifted. 所有的孩子都和他一样, 对新事物感兴趣, 他也觉得找到了同类. gifted school课程之外还有很多program, 这也让他很高兴. 一向不擅长体育的他还进了学校的排球队.

总之去不去gifted school, 要看孩子,也要看家庭情况. 如果孩子真的被鉴定为gifted, 我的建议是能去就去吧. 人家有这个program 是有原因的.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Gifted or not? my thought process

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