本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛When I just started to work in Canada(even now sometimes still), I am so over-serious to others' requests and never really say "No".
However, many times, I found I am shouting myself in the feet. I thought I am helping others, however the ownership changes simultaneously. Some hot potatoes are passed to my hands without awareness and of course my boss don't like it too. Plus, I will have to work, work, work and sacrifice my family time and feel guilty to my kids.
So I sat down and went through a consulting process for myself.
Why I can not say "No"?
1. I am nice. I feel sad rejecting others.
2. I am afraid being defensive in others' eyes.
3. I am not confident declining requests as I value my job too much and my English is so poor.
Are those reasons can not be fixed?
Certainly no.
1. I should be nice but not a pushover.
2. Canadian Culture respects personal commitment. If there are conflicts, as long as I explained, my boss in general is very flexible.
3. My prior experience has proved that nothing is as urgent and serious as I thought.
4. Clarify what the requestor really want and offer alternative when there are conflicts.
In the end, the center of my life are my family and kids. Being a good mom adds great value to me and make me feel good. So always prioritize our time and be assertive.
Now I am trying to use what I came up with. My boss or colleagues, of course, noticed that I may not always complete his requests immediately but I have bulit up the trust that I will never miss deadline if the requests are valid. They understand that I will need to balance my life. If the work can be done easier by other teams, I will try not do work it out on my own. If I can talk to my contact over phone or in person, I will try not to hide behind technology and send the emails back and forth.
Hopefully, you have some sort of empathy with me and your thoughts are greatly welcomed.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
However, many times, I found I am shouting myself in the feet. I thought I am helping others, however the ownership changes simultaneously. Some hot potatoes are passed to my hands without awareness and of course my boss don't like it too. Plus, I will have to work, work, work and sacrifice my family time and feel guilty to my kids.
So I sat down and went through a consulting process for myself.
Why I can not say "No"?
1. I am nice. I feel sad rejecting others.
2. I am afraid being defensive in others' eyes.
3. I am not confident declining requests as I value my job too much and my English is so poor.
Are those reasons can not be fixed?
Certainly no.
1. I should be nice but not a pushover.
2. Canadian Culture respects personal commitment. If there are conflicts, as long as I explained, my boss in general is very flexible.
3. My prior experience has proved that nothing is as urgent and serious as I thought.
4. Clarify what the requestor really want and offer alternative when there are conflicts.
In the end, the center of my life are my family and kids. Being a good mom adds great value to me and make me feel good. So always prioritize our time and be assertive.
Now I am trying to use what I came up with. My boss or colleagues, of course, noticed that I may not always complete his requests immediately but I have bulit up the trust that I will never miss deadline if the requests are valid. They understand that I will need to balance my life. If the work can be done easier by other teams, I will try not do work it out on my own. If I can talk to my contact over phone or in person, I will try not to hide behind technology and send the emails back and forth.
Hopefully, you have some sort of empathy with me and your thoughts are greatly welcomed.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net