本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛女儿正在收拾行装，明天将要出发去非洲的利比里亚，为Clinton Health Access Initiative（克林顿健康倡议组织）工作。整个申请历时三个多月，经过书面测验和三次面试，十天前接到了工作通知。看着她这些天怀着兴奋、向往和紧张的心情忙碌地做着准备，我为女儿终于能向自己的理想走出了第一步而高兴。愿女儿此去吉人天相，善缘好运，诸愿皆满，平安归来！
虽然我一直尊重和信任女儿的职业选择，但是这些天来内心也很不平静，有时午夜醒来会思前想后。女儿去年夏天毕业后经指导她毕业论文的教授推荐决定去纽约Weill Cornell Medicine（康奈尔大学医学院的一个机构）为 "三阴性乳腺癌" 这个研究项目做 project coordinator，为期四个月。接受了这个工作后没几天，女儿的另一个教授推荐她去申请International Rescue Committee （国际救援委员会）的一个工作。但是女儿因为承诺了前面那个急需用人的工作，她不得不放弃了申请。女儿说为IRC工作是她的梦想之一，是她在哥伦比亚这两年努力学习的目的 ，机会非常难得，为此她难过得哭了。我安慰女儿说，机会对于准备好的人是不会只有一次的，有爱心、肯担当的她一定会心想事成的。在纽约那四个多月里女儿勤奋工作，老板对她非常满意，同时她也努力寻找其它自己更希望从事的工作。年底合同结束后她婉拒了老板的留用，回到家里继续找工作。
没有全职工作的这两个多月里，面对不同的工作选择，女儿在理想和现实之间纠结，承受了很大的压力。我跟女儿说在家找工作期间就当作是放假，趁机放轻松好好休息一下吧，何况你仍然在帮你的教授做兼职工作呢。她经常颠倒黑白的作息，我看着心疼不时忍不住提醒她注意休息，她最不爱听我这些老话，好多次弄得女儿生气我难过。我曾经给女儿发微信说 “你对世界上所有在贫困中生存的民众的关爱让我非常感动。为了理想你坚持不懈地努力，在学业和工作上取得了不错的成绩，作为妈妈我非常为你自豪！你说你自己能做的事情你喜欢自己做，并且固执地要按自己的方式去处理。很多事情你的确做得非常好让我非常佩服， 因为我是不可能做到的。
我很惭愧，作为一个落后于时代、随遇而安多年做着一份平淡工作的妈妈，我不能像你爸爸那样可以给你的职业之路提些有价值的建议。我唯一擅长有心得体会的是日常生活的吃喝拉撒睡方面， 由于自己承受过年轻时无知无畏造成的恶果，有过一些很多人没有经历过的遭遇和见闻，所以我觉得自己能够在日常生活上给你一些有价值的建议，因为只有真正关爱好自己，才有能力去关爱他人。
你大学一年级之后我就很清楚你已是成年人了，你可以完全按自己喜欢的方式生活，我不会干涉你。但在日常生活上我仍然会在某些时候提醒你，我希望你明白这不是批评，这完全是出于当妈妈的责任和关爱。 记得我以前跟你说过的，今天再说一次希望你能明白。你的善良和独立自主使我从来不担忧你的未来，因为我相信凡事皆因果，一个人只要一直善良下去总会离幸福越来越近。作为妈妈我能做的就是祝福你在自己选择的人生之路上越走越好，诸愿皆满！”
因为我们一家四口平时分隔三地，这半年来我们家围绕着女儿工作的讨论大部分是通过微信，这几天整理了一下留个记录。女儿去年在纽约工作期间曾经向Save the Children（救助儿童会）申请过一份工作，工作地点在也门，接到面试通知后她才告诉我们。LG为此给女儿写了封长信讲述他的忧虑，女儿给了爸爸一个长篇回复后一并转发给我看。我看后告诉女儿她给爸爸的回复让我看哭了，我告诉她“我觉得我理解你所以一直以来你在工作方面的任何选择我都支持你并为你自豪，我唯一忧虑的是你选择的工作环境有可能使你的人身安全存在危险，这个我以前也跟你说过的。你爸爸在信中说的对你未来的所有忧虑中，唯有这一点是一致的，虽然爸爸的其它忧虑我都不以为然，但是我能理解他。”
LG让我劝女儿争取留在康奈尔，又给女儿发微信说“你有远大的理想慈悲的心肠我觉得很安慰，但是我真不希望你去也门这样的地方。好不容易盼着你长大的，学有所成了，找到份安稳亦很有前途及发展空间的工作。。。我并不是反对你去选择你的理想生活，只是觉得不放心你的人身安全，一是因为战争，二是因为伊斯兰教的恐怖主义。吃苦磨练不怕，可以锻炼人的意志，但那些地方，可能遇到的可是人自己没法控制的意外，是生命可能随时受到威胁，想起这些有时真的连觉都睡不着，我作为父亲真不愿意自己亲爱的女儿在那样的地方冒着生命危险在那生活和工作，也不希望下半辈子在担心与忧虑中度过。你富有学识与智慧，社会以及家庭把你培养成这么专业的有用之材你可以发挥更大的作用去建设社会，造福更多的人类。即使你选择这条道路，也不是一定要选择这样的地区吧，比如香港，中国，自己的祖国，自己的同胞，甚至我地自己识得的亲戚乡邻，仍然需要很多的帮助或救助，你也可以用自己的知识、能力帮助他们，尽自己的力量从身边做起，造福身边的社群从而为推动整个社会的进步作出自己的贡献。若人人都能从自己的身边人、身边事做起，汇聚起来都是多么强大的力量啊。造福人类，造福社会是有许多种方式方法的，选择适合的并能最大效率的方式方法可以事半功倍，更能长久，更能发挥作用！”
我把女儿微信上给她爸爸的长篇回复拷贝下来保存并且翻译成中文了，希望将来有机会给我老爸看看最让他疼爱和称赞的孙女的想法。
A lot of the things you said are based on the assumption that what you want for me in life is the same as what I want for myself, and what I find meaningful.
First of all, I know how different the culture is and how "undeveloped" it is in Yemen. The very fact that the country needs humanitarian assistance and foreign aid means that there is a lot of work that I can do there. I am not afraid of meeting people different from me. This not only applies to this specific job but also to anywhere else I may want to work in the future. I don't expect it to be easy, I expect it could be very difficult. That doesn't mean I would stop and not do it.
Second, in terms of career trajectory, save the children is one of the largest international nongovernment organizations in the world, along with many other groups that i want to work for, like the UN, Oxfam, the IRC. I want to do work in global health, child development and humanitarian assistance, that to me is public health. And this and work I do for Columbia is exactly what is "on the right track". So that means while i can work in US/Canada still, i want my early experiences to be international so that it would give me the qualifications for higher up positions in the future. Managerial and directorate positions if possible. That leads into the settling down and family issue, which I do consider but I have my own timeline. A job with save the children works for my resume the way I want it to, just like any other past jobs I have had. I am not giving up "better" opportunities; just because you prefer them doesn't mean I prefer them. I would gladly take jobs here and in Canada but the positions in this field, I don't qualify for yet.
When I eventually want to have a family, I will consider more stable positions. I am not worried about maintaining a relationship with someone because that person I am with will understand my aspirations and what I want to accomplish in life. I will not be distanced from my friends because my friendships are not that weak. My networks with past employers and professors are kept because I work hard and they believe in my abilities, not because I am in the exact field that they are in. In fact, Columbia is the one that gives me the networks that I need to pursue jobs in global and child health. And even if I realize one day that I want work not in that area anymore, I would not have lost my advantage, because I have trust in my own abilities and I think you should too. Skills that I learn in healthcare delivery and program design are always transferrable. What I do at Cornell now is not hard, and I am not challenged. I refuse to be at jobs where I don't have a large potential for growth and learning. And do not doubt that I will get a full-time offer from Cornell because I know they are happy with my work. But it is not about the offer, it's about whether this is what I want to do. Also, even if I were to stay in cancer research, I would want to do it globally. Or do policy work, like with Cancer Care Ontario. Not at my current job.
I know you value financial security and pay in my jobs, and I do too; but it's not my deciding factor. I want to do things that are meaningful to me, and I believe that there's a duty not just to people I know, but to humanity as a whole. You might think I sound naive and an idealist, but I am neither. I am realistic about how harsh the world is, and I've stopped wishing for world peace. But I know there are things I can do to help others live better, and to get opportunities that I am lucky enough to have. Helping others is not something for me to do because it's a convenience. I think I need to do it because I was offered the chance to get the education I have and live a relatively good life - it has to be -for- something. It has to be because I can use it to make sure as many people as possible can have the chance to live a comfortable and happy life. I'm sorry that I didn't grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a businesswoman who makes a ton of money, that I don't have a glamorous job that everybody envies. But I care about meaning for me, not what others think. But I also will not forget that I have obligations to our family either - I still will work hard and make money and use that to support all of you. It might not be as easy at the start but I will do it.
Now, if it wasn't this job specifically in Yemen, you should know that I would be willing to work in other locations too, other low-middle income countries. Maybe I can illustrate some points by putting the context in China. Save the children has China and HK offices that I have also applied for. I know you worked hard to bring us to Canada for a better life, and as most people do, we want to make life and the world a little better for the next generation. You've done that for me, and I feel that it's what I have to do for others too, if I have the chance to help children around the world; children who live in poverty and conflict, and who may not even have parents or anyone else to worry about their wellbeing, about their health and education. If all of this was happening to Anson, or to my own children, I know I would want someone to vouch for them, to prioritize and think about their needs, and to give them a chance to grow up and pursue their own dreams. Children living in poverty are everywhere in China, too, and countless other countries around the world. Children facing violence are everywhere, even in Canada. So it's not about having new experiences in new places because I think it's fun and exciting. it's about working where there is a need, be it here or elsewhere. With the limited time I have, I want to know I tried as hard as I can to make a difference in somebody's life.
Maybe I won't be good at these things I want to do, or maybe I'll realize it's not for me. But that's in the future and I won't know until then if I somehow change my mind. But these are the values I want to live with. So it's not just a job for me, it's my way of life and what I think makes my life meaningful, so as not to waste the life I have. Living in nyc and other big metropolitan cities make me happy, and I love being able to eat good food and shop and watch ballets and all that. But while that makes me happy, it's not what can truly give me meaning. Working in cancer research is, so is working in child health and global health. I want to do so much with my life but at this moment, I gravitate towards where there is a more urgent and dire need.
We don't even know if SC Yemen wants me yet, they probably want someone with more experience, someone who is older. But I need to try, at least to prove that my qualifications and abilities are enough for me to keep on this path. Even if they do offer me the job, I will of course have to think about it because you are right, it is an active conflict zone and there can be a lot of risks and dangers. That will be my main concern too. And it would be my legitimate concern - not the concern that I would have to accommodate my lifestyle, or live in more hardship, or give up a cushiony job. Those are not concerns because they are not my valued priorities currently, and also because I do have faith in myself that I can succeed back here when I do decide to return. And of course I consider you and mom worrying about my safety, and I would not make this decision lightly if they give me an offer. I will consider it thoroughly and we can all discuss it. I don't want you guys to have to be worried for my safety all the time, so it might not be somewhere highly volatile like Yemen. But you still have to know that it could be somewhere in a developing country, in Africa, or Asia, or wherever. You should be glad I'm not fit enough to join the military.
But you need to know that while I'm really scared to go where there is active conflict and war, I still have to consider it. And if not there, then I will go where there still are things to be fixed...other developing countries where there are public health and humanitarian needs. So if it's not this position. it will be another similar one. China was once in development too, we were once looked down by richer countries as being undeveloped and bad. But that's not fair. We don't choose where we are born and we don't get to choose the life we are born into. These are superficial divides and at the end of the day we are all just human, and we live in this planet that is a tiny part of the (*may be missing a word ‘universe’). It's not right in my mind to leave anyone behind, to know that kids are not living past their 5th birthdays because of health access and nutrition and be okay with it. I feel like I've told you and mom this before but maybe you didn't take me seriously. Or maybe I am also afraid to say what I really want to do in case I fall short and do not accomplish any of this. But I need to say it now even if I end up staying at a job that would make you happy but that I don't like, because all the reasons above are a glimpse of how I make my decisions, and the values that I live by.
你对我说的很多话的前提是，你假设你希望我将来过的生活跟我 想要的生活、我认为有意义的生活是一致的。
首先， 我明白也门是一个多么“落后”的国家，那里的文化跟我所熟知的有多么不同。这个事实正是这个国家需要人道主义救助和外援的原因，而在那里可以有很多我能够做的事情。我并不害怕接触跟我不同（种族）的人，这一点不但对现在我申请的这份特定的工作适用，对于我将来有可能在世界任何地方从事的工作也适用。我从来没有把这一点看得很容易，我已经预期到可能会非常困难，但这并不意味着我会止步不前。
其次，从职业轨道上看，“救助儿童会”是世界上最大的非盈利组织之一，性质跟其它很多我希望能为其工作的机构是一样的，如联合国、乐施会和国际救援委员会等。我希望致力于全球健康、儿童发展和人道救援方面的工作，对我而言这些就是“公共卫生”，这类工作跟我为哥伦比亚大学做的工作可以说是“完全一致的”（*女儿从二年级开始经教授推荐兼职为非盈利机构CPC Learning Network 工作，现在还在做。http://www.cpcnetwork.org/about-us/secretariat/
CPC =Child Protection in Crisis，保护处于危机中的儿童*）这就意味着我还是能有机会在美国/加拿大工作，所以我希望在我职业生涯的最初阶段，我可以拥有国际性的工作经验以便使我将来有资格争取更高的职位，如果有可能我希望能胜任管理和指导性的职位。那时候我才能把工作稳定下来并认真考虑家庭问题，但是我有自己的时间安排。为“救助儿童会”工作能给我的简历增添上我想要的份量，就正如我以前做过的任何一份工作一样（*这让我想起女儿大学三年级时放弃了加拿大健康部的有薪实习机会而选择了在哈佛医学院的无薪实习*）。我不会放弃“更好”的机会，但是你觉得好的机会并不意味着我也觉得好。如果我能在加拿大找到这个领域里的工作我会很高兴，但是目前我没有资格胜任这类工作。
到我最终想成家的时候，我会考虑选择更稳定的工作。对于维系亲密关系我并不担心，因为我所选择的跟我一起生活的人会理解我的志愿以及我希望自己的人生达到什么目的。我是不会跟我的朋友们疏远的，我们的友谊并没有那么脆弱。我和以前的老板和教授的关系网络都维持得很好，但这并不是因为我的专业跟他们的工作领域完全契合，而是因为我一直都努力工作，他们都信任我的能力。实际上，让我有机会在国际和儿童卫生保健领域发展的社交网络，正是在哥伦比亚大学我才建立起来的。就算将来有一天我意识到自己不想在这个领域里工作，我也不会失去我的优势，因为我对自己的能力有信心，我觉得你也应该这么想。我在卫生保健服务和方案设计领域学到的技能是可以随时转换应用的。我目前在康奈尔医学院的工作一点也不难，没有挑战性。如果我所做的工作不能给我提供很大的发展空间和学习机会，我是不愿意继续做下去的。在这个短期工作结束后，我相信康奈尔医学院是会让我留下来做全职工作的，因为他们很满意我的工作表现。但是我的问题不在于有没有工作机会，而在于这是不是我想做的工作。另外，就算我决定留在癌症研究领域工作，我希望做国际性的工作，或者是像在加拿大安省癌症护理中心（ Cancer Care Ontario）做政策制定方面的职位，而不是我目前正在做的这种工作。
我知道你认为工作挣钱获得经济保障很重要，我也认为很重要，但这不是我选择工作的决定因素。我想做些我认为有意义的事情，我还相信我不只是对我认识的人有责任，而是对整个人类都有责任。你可能觉得我太天真和理想主义，但我不是。我很清楚这个世界有多么残酷，我已经不再祈祷世界和平。但是我知道我能够做一些事情来使其他人生活得好一些，让他们能像我一样幸运地得到机会。我去帮助其他人并不是因为这对于我是举手之劳。我觉得我应该要这么做是因为我有机会接受了好的教育并过上了相对好的生活——我必须要这么做，因为我想尽量让更多的人能有机会过上舒适和快乐的生活。很对不起，我没有成长为一个能挣大钱的医生、律师或商人，也没有一份光鲜的职业让别人羡慕。但是我注重的是我人生的意义而不是其他人的看法。我也不会忘记我对我们家所负有的责任——我会继续努力工作，用挣得的钱来支持家里每一个人；现在我才刚刚毕业开始工作要做到这点可能不容易，但是我会努力的。
所以，如果我申请的这个职位的工作地点不是在也门，你应该清楚我也愿意在其它中低收入的国家工作。我也许应该以中国为例来说说我的观点。“救助儿童会”在中国大陆和香港也有分支机构，我也申请了职位。我知道你很努力才把我们带到加拿大来过更好的生活，像大多数人一样，我们都想为了下一代让生活和世界变得好一点。你已经为我做到了这个，而我也觉得我有必要为了其他人这么做。当我有机会的时候，我想帮助世界其它地方的孩子，他们生活在贫困和冲突中，甚至可能都没有父母或其他人关心他们的福利、健康和教育。如果这一切发生在我弟弟或者我自己的孩子身上，我知道我会希望有其他人能为他们担保，优先考虑他们的需要，给他们成长和追寻梦想的机会。生活在贫困中的儿童在中国大陆到处都有很多，在世界其它国家就更是不可尽数了。到处都有遭受暴力的儿童，就算在加拿大也不例外。所以我申请世界各地的工作并不是因为我觉得有趣和刺激而想去一个新地方拥有新体验，而是因为那里有需要。在我有限的生命里，我想尽自己最大的努力去尝试做些事情使其他人的生活有所改变。
有可能我并不擅长做这些我想去做的事情，或者有一天我将意识到我不适合做这些，可是将来的事我还不知道会怎么样除非我改变主意了。这些价值是我想与之共存的，所以这不仅仅是一份工作，这是我想走的人生之路，我认为这样做我的人生会变得有意义，我就不会虚度这一生。生活在纽约和其它大都市让我快乐，我可以享受美食、购物、看芭蕾等等，不过这些快乐并不能够真正赋予我人生的意义。在癌症研究、儿童卫生保健和人类健康这些领域工作就能够。我这一生里有太多的事情想做，但在目前我趋向于去那些有急切需要的地方工作。
我们都不知道也门的“救助儿童会”是否会给我这个工作机会，他们很可能需要年纪大一些的更有经验的人。但是我要尝试，至少可以证明我有足够的资格和能力在这条路上走下去。就算我面试成功得到这份工作，我当然也要慎重地考虑，因为你说得对，也门正在发生激烈冲突到处都有危险，这也是我的主要忧虑。这个对于我是合理担忧，至于改变我的生活方式或者生活得更艰难或者放弃一份轻松的工作都不是我要忧虑的，因为这些不是我现在最看重的。我对自己非常有信心，如果我决定不走这条路回来，我也会成功的。我当然知道你和妈妈都担心我的人身安全，所以如果他们给我工作机会我也不会轻易决定的，等我们详细讨论后我会全面衡量再作决定。我不希望你们整天担心我的安全，所以我选择工作的地方有可能不是像也门这种高度不稳定的地方。但你必须要知道的是，我将要工作的地方很可能是在发展中国家，如非洲、亚洲等。我不够资格加入军队，你应该为此高兴。
你可要知道我非常害怕去那些正在发生冲突和战争的地方，这是我不得不考虑的。但是我还是会其他不完善的发展中国家，那里有公共卫生和人道救援的需要。所以就算不是同样的职位，也会是类似的。中国在过去的发展过程中也曾经被富裕国家看不起，这是不公平的，因为我们既不能选择在哪里出生也不能选择一出生就过哪一种生活。这些只是表面上的分别，说到底我们都是居住在地球上的人，而地球只不过是宇宙中的一粒微尘。在我的思想中，任何人被丢下都是不对的，当我知道有些孩子因为缺乏卫生保健和营养以至活 不过5岁时，我不能无动于衷。我好像曾经对你和妈妈说过我想做什么的，但可能你们都没把我的话当真，也可能是我没敢说，怕万一自己不成才的话就什么也干不成。但是就算我最终还是留下来干了一份让你高兴但我自己不喜欢的工作，我今天也必须要说出来，你从中能窥见我如何作决定以及我人生的价值观。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
虽然我一直尊重和信任女儿的职业选择，但是这些天来内心也很不平静，有时午夜醒来会思前想后。女儿去年夏天毕业后经指导她毕业论文的教授推荐决定去纽约Weill Cornell Medicine（康奈尔大学医学院的一个机构）为 "三阴性乳腺癌" 这个研究项目做 project coordinator，为期四个月。接受了这个工作后没几天，女儿的另一个教授推荐她去申请International Rescue Committee （国际救援委员会）的一个工作。但是女儿因为承诺了前面那个急需用人的工作，她不得不放弃了申请。女儿说为IRC工作是她的梦想之一，是她在哥伦比亚这两年努力学习的目的 ，机会非常难得，为此她难过得哭了。我安慰女儿说，机会对于准备好的人是不会只有一次的，有爱心、肯担当的她一定会心想事成的。在纽约那四个多月里女儿勤奋工作，老板对她非常满意，同时她也努力寻找其它自己更希望从事的工作。年底合同结束后她婉拒了老板的留用，回到家里继续找工作。
没有全职工作的这两个多月里，面对不同的工作选择，女儿在理想和现实之间纠结，承受了很大的压力。我跟女儿说在家找工作期间就当作是放假，趁机放轻松好好休息一下吧，何况你仍然在帮你的教授做兼职工作呢。她经常颠倒黑白的作息，我看着心疼不时忍不住提醒她注意休息，她最不爱听我这些老话，好多次弄得女儿生气我难过。我曾经给女儿发微信说 “你对世界上所有在贫困中生存的民众的关爱让我非常感动。为了理想你坚持不懈地努力，在学业和工作上取得了不错的成绩，作为妈妈我非常为你自豪！你说你自己能做的事情你喜欢自己做，并且固执地要按自己的方式去处理。很多事情你的确做得非常好让我非常佩服， 因为我是不可能做到的。
我很惭愧，作为一个落后于时代、随遇而安多年做着一份平淡工作的妈妈，我不能像你爸爸那样可以给你的职业之路提些有价值的建议。我唯一擅长有心得体会的是日常生活的吃喝拉撒睡方面， 由于自己承受过年轻时无知无畏造成的恶果，有过一些很多人没有经历过的遭遇和见闻，所以我觉得自己能够在日常生活上给你一些有价值的建议，因为只有真正关爱好自己，才有能力去关爱他人。
你大学一年级之后我就很清楚你已是成年人了，你可以完全按自己喜欢的方式生活，我不会干涉你。但在日常生活上我仍然会在某些时候提醒你，我希望你明白这不是批评，这完全是出于当妈妈的责任和关爱。 记得我以前跟你说过的，今天再说一次希望你能明白。你的善良和独立自主使我从来不担忧你的未来，因为我相信凡事皆因果，一个人只要一直善良下去总会离幸福越来越近。作为妈妈我能做的就是祝福你在自己选择的人生之路上越走越好，诸愿皆满！”
因为我们一家四口平时分隔三地，这半年来我们家围绕着女儿工作的讨论大部分是通过微信，这几天整理了一下留个记录。女儿去年在纽约工作期间曾经向Save the Children（救助儿童会）申请过一份工作，工作地点在也门，接到面试通知后她才告诉我们。LG为此给女儿写了封长信讲述他的忧虑，女儿给了爸爸一个长篇回复后一并转发给我看。我看后告诉女儿她给爸爸的回复让我看哭了，我告诉她“我觉得我理解你所以一直以来你在工作方面的任何选择我都支持你并为你自豪，我唯一忧虑的是你选择的工作环境有可能使你的人身安全存在危险，这个我以前也跟你说过的。你爸爸在信中说的对你未来的所有忧虑中，唯有这一点是一致的，虽然爸爸的其它忧虑我都不以为然，但是我能理解他。”
LG让我劝女儿争取留在康奈尔，又给女儿发微信说“你有远大的理想慈悲的心肠我觉得很安慰，但是我真不希望你去也门这样的地方。好不容易盼着你长大的，学有所成了，找到份安稳亦很有前途及发展空间的工作。。。我并不是反对你去选择你的理想生活，只是觉得不放心你的人身安全，一是因为战争，二是因为伊斯兰教的恐怖主义。吃苦磨练不怕，可以锻炼人的意志，但那些地方，可能遇到的可是人自己没法控制的意外，是生命可能随时受到威胁，想起这些有时真的连觉都睡不着，我作为父亲真不愿意自己亲爱的女儿在那样的地方冒着生命危险在那生活和工作，也不希望下半辈子在担心与忧虑中度过。你富有学识与智慧，社会以及家庭把你培养成这么专业的有用之材你可以发挥更大的作用去建设社会，造福更多的人类。即使你选择这条道路，也不是一定要选择这样的地区吧，比如香港，中国，自己的祖国，自己的同胞，甚至我地自己识得的亲戚乡邻，仍然需要很多的帮助或救助，你也可以用自己的知识、能力帮助他们，尽自己的力量从身边做起，造福身边的社群从而为推动整个社会的进步作出自己的贡献。若人人都能从自己的身边人、身边事做起，汇聚起来都是多么强大的力量啊。造福人类，造福社会是有许多种方式方法的，选择适合的并能最大效率的方式方法可以事半功倍，更能长久，更能发挥作用！”
我把女儿微信上给她爸爸的长篇回复拷贝下来保存并且翻译成中文了，希望将来有机会给我老爸看看最让他疼爱和称赞的孙女的想法。
A lot of the things you said are based on the assumption that what you want for me in life is the same as what I want for myself, and what I find meaningful.
First of all, I know how different the culture is and how "undeveloped" it is in Yemen. The very fact that the country needs humanitarian assistance and foreign aid means that there is a lot of work that I can do there. I am not afraid of meeting people different from me. This not only applies to this specific job but also to anywhere else I may want to work in the future. I don't expect it to be easy, I expect it could be very difficult. That doesn't mean I would stop and not do it.
Second, in terms of career trajectory, save the children is one of the largest international nongovernment organizations in the world, along with many other groups that i want to work for, like the UN, Oxfam, the IRC. I want to do work in global health, child development and humanitarian assistance, that to me is public health. And this and work I do for Columbia is exactly what is "on the right track". So that means while i can work in US/Canada still, i want my early experiences to be international so that it would give me the qualifications for higher up positions in the future. Managerial and directorate positions if possible. That leads into the settling down and family issue, which I do consider but I have my own timeline. A job with save the children works for my resume the way I want it to, just like any other past jobs I have had. I am not giving up "better" opportunities; just because you prefer them doesn't mean I prefer them. I would gladly take jobs here and in Canada but the positions in this field, I don't qualify for yet.
When I eventually want to have a family, I will consider more stable positions. I am not worried about maintaining a relationship with someone because that person I am with will understand my aspirations and what I want to accomplish in life. I will not be distanced from my friends because my friendships are not that weak. My networks with past employers and professors are kept because I work hard and they believe in my abilities, not because I am in the exact field that they are in. In fact, Columbia is the one that gives me the networks that I need to pursue jobs in global and child health. And even if I realize one day that I want work not in that area anymore, I would not have lost my advantage, because I have trust in my own abilities and I think you should too. Skills that I learn in healthcare delivery and program design are always transferrable. What I do at Cornell now is not hard, and I am not challenged. I refuse to be at jobs where I don't have a large potential for growth and learning. And do not doubt that I will get a full-time offer from Cornell because I know they are happy with my work. But it is not about the offer, it's about whether this is what I want to do. Also, even if I were to stay in cancer research, I would want to do it globally. Or do policy work, like with Cancer Care Ontario. Not at my current job.
I know you value financial security and pay in my jobs, and I do too; but it's not my deciding factor. I want to do things that are meaningful to me, and I believe that there's a duty not just to people I know, but to humanity as a whole. You might think I sound naive and an idealist, but I am neither. I am realistic about how harsh the world is, and I've stopped wishing for world peace. But I know there are things I can do to help others live better, and to get opportunities that I am lucky enough to have. Helping others is not something for me to do because it's a convenience. I think I need to do it because I was offered the chance to get the education I have and live a relatively good life - it has to be -for- something. It has to be because I can use it to make sure as many people as possible can have the chance to live a comfortable and happy life. I'm sorry that I didn't grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a businesswoman who makes a ton of money, that I don't have a glamorous job that everybody envies. But I care about meaning for me, not what others think. But I also will not forget that I have obligations to our family either - I still will work hard and make money and use that to support all of you. It might not be as easy at the start but I will do it.
Now, if it wasn't this job specifically in Yemen, you should know that I would be willing to work in other locations too, other low-middle income countries. Maybe I can illustrate some points by putting the context in China. Save the children has China and HK offices that I have also applied for. I know you worked hard to bring us to Canada for a better life, and as most people do, we want to make life and the world a little better for the next generation. You've done that for me, and I feel that it's what I have to do for others too, if I have the chance to help children around the world; children who live in poverty and conflict, and who may not even have parents or anyone else to worry about their wellbeing, about their health and education. If all of this was happening to Anson, or to my own children, I know I would want someone to vouch for them, to prioritize and think about their needs, and to give them a chance to grow up and pursue their own dreams. Children living in poverty are everywhere in China, too, and countless other countries around the world. Children facing violence are everywhere, even in Canada. So it's not about having new experiences in new places because I think it's fun and exciting. it's about working where there is a need, be it here or elsewhere. With the limited time I have, I want to know I tried as hard as I can to make a difference in somebody's life.
Maybe I won't be good at these things I want to do, or maybe I'll realize it's not for me. But that's in the future and I won't know until then if I somehow change my mind. But these are the values I want to live with. So it's not just a job for me, it's my way of life and what I think makes my life meaningful, so as not to waste the life I have. Living in nyc and other big metropolitan cities make me happy, and I love being able to eat good food and shop and watch ballets and all that. But while that makes me happy, it's not what can truly give me meaning. Working in cancer research is, so is working in child health and global health. I want to do so much with my life but at this moment, I gravitate towards where there is a more urgent and dire need.
We don't even know if SC Yemen wants me yet, they probably want someone with more experience, someone who is older. But I need to try, at least to prove that my qualifications and abilities are enough for me to keep on this path. Even if they do offer me the job, I will of course have to think about it because you are right, it is an active conflict zone and there can be a lot of risks and dangers. That will be my main concern too. And it would be my legitimate concern - not the concern that I would have to accommodate my lifestyle, or live in more hardship, or give up a cushiony job. Those are not concerns because they are not my valued priorities currently, and also because I do have faith in myself that I can succeed back here when I do decide to return. And of course I consider you and mom worrying about my safety, and I would not make this decision lightly if they give me an offer. I will consider it thoroughly and we can all discuss it. I don't want you guys to have to be worried for my safety all the time, so it might not be somewhere highly volatile like Yemen. But you still have to know that it could be somewhere in a developing country, in Africa, or Asia, or wherever. You should be glad I'm not fit enough to join the military.
But you need to know that while I'm really scared to go where there is active conflict and war, I still have to consider it. And if not there, then I will go where there still are things to be fixed...other developing countries where there are public health and humanitarian needs. So if it's not this position. it will be another similar one. China was once in development too, we were once looked down by richer countries as being undeveloped and bad. But that's not fair. We don't choose where we are born and we don't get to choose the life we are born into. These are superficial divides and at the end of the day we are all just human, and we live in this planet that is a tiny part of the (*may be missing a word ‘universe’). It's not right in my mind to leave anyone behind, to know that kids are not living past their 5th birthdays because of health access and nutrition and be okay with it. I feel like I've told you and mom this before but maybe you didn't take me seriously. Or maybe I am also afraid to say what I really want to do in case I fall short and do not accomplish any of this. But I need to say it now even if I end up staying at a job that would make you happy but that I don't like, because all the reasons above are a glimpse of how I make my decisions, and the values that I live by.
你对我说的很多话的前提是，你假设你希望我将来过的生活跟我 想要的生活、我认为有意义的生活是一致的。
首先， 我明白也门是一个多么“落后”的国家，那里的文化跟我所熟知的有多么不同。这个事实正是这个国家需要人道主义救助和外援的原因，而在那里可以有很多我能够做的事情。我并不害怕接触跟我不同（种族）的人，这一点不但对现在我申请的这份特定的工作适用，对于我将来有可能在世界任何地方从事的工作也适用。我从来没有把这一点看得很容易，我已经预期到可能会非常困难，但这并不意味着我会止步不前。
其次，从职业轨道上看，“救助儿童会”是世界上最大的非盈利组织之一，性质跟其它很多我希望能为其工作的机构是一样的，如联合国、乐施会和国际救援委员会等。我希望致力于全球健康、儿童发展和人道救援方面的工作，对我而言这些就是“公共卫生”，这类工作跟我为哥伦比亚大学做的工作可以说是“完全一致的”（*女儿从二年级开始经教授推荐兼职为非盈利机构CPC Learning Network 工作，现在还在做。http://www.cpcnetwork.org/about-us/secretariat/
CPC =Child Protection in Crisis，保护处于危机中的儿童*）这就意味着我还是能有机会在美国/加拿大工作，所以我希望在我职业生涯的最初阶段，我可以拥有国际性的工作经验以便使我将来有资格争取更高的职位，如果有可能我希望能胜任管理和指导性的职位。那时候我才能把工作稳定下来并认真考虑家庭问题，但是我有自己的时间安排。为“救助儿童会”工作能给我的简历增添上我想要的份量，就正如我以前做过的任何一份工作一样（*这让我想起女儿大学三年级时放弃了加拿大健康部的有薪实习机会而选择了在哈佛医学院的无薪实习*）。我不会放弃“更好”的机会，但是你觉得好的机会并不意味着我也觉得好。如果我能在加拿大找到这个领域里的工作我会很高兴，但是目前我没有资格胜任这类工作。
到我最终想成家的时候，我会考虑选择更稳定的工作。对于维系亲密关系我并不担心，因为我所选择的跟我一起生活的人会理解我的志愿以及我希望自己的人生达到什么目的。我是不会跟我的朋友们疏远的，我们的友谊并没有那么脆弱。我和以前的老板和教授的关系网络都维持得很好，但这并不是因为我的专业跟他们的工作领域完全契合，而是因为我一直都努力工作，他们都信任我的能力。实际上，让我有机会在国际和儿童卫生保健领域发展的社交网络，正是在哥伦比亚大学我才建立起来的。就算将来有一天我意识到自己不想在这个领域里工作，我也不会失去我的优势，因为我对自己的能力有信心，我觉得你也应该这么想。我在卫生保健服务和方案设计领域学到的技能是可以随时转换应用的。我目前在康奈尔医学院的工作一点也不难，没有挑战性。如果我所做的工作不能给我提供很大的发展空间和学习机会，我是不愿意继续做下去的。在这个短期工作结束后，我相信康奈尔医学院是会让我留下来做全职工作的，因为他们很满意我的工作表现。但是我的问题不在于有没有工作机会，而在于这是不是我想做的工作。另外，就算我决定留在癌症研究领域工作，我希望做国际性的工作，或者是像在加拿大安省癌症护理中心（ Cancer Care Ontario）做政策制定方面的职位，而不是我目前正在做的这种工作。
我知道你认为工作挣钱获得经济保障很重要，我也认为很重要，但这不是我选择工作的决定因素。我想做些我认为有意义的事情，我还相信我不只是对我认识的人有责任，而是对整个人类都有责任。你可能觉得我太天真和理想主义，但我不是。我很清楚这个世界有多么残酷，我已经不再祈祷世界和平。但是我知道我能够做一些事情来使其他人生活得好一些，让他们能像我一样幸运地得到机会。我去帮助其他人并不是因为这对于我是举手之劳。我觉得我应该要这么做是因为我有机会接受了好的教育并过上了相对好的生活——我必须要这么做，因为我想尽量让更多的人能有机会过上舒适和快乐的生活。很对不起，我没有成长为一个能挣大钱的医生、律师或商人，也没有一份光鲜的职业让别人羡慕。但是我注重的是我人生的意义而不是其他人的看法。我也不会忘记我对我们家所负有的责任——我会继续努力工作，用挣得的钱来支持家里每一个人；现在我才刚刚毕业开始工作要做到这点可能不容易，但是我会努力的。
所以，如果我申请的这个职位的工作地点不是在也门，你应该清楚我也愿意在其它中低收入的国家工作。我也许应该以中国为例来说说我的观点。“救助儿童会”在中国大陆和香港也有分支机构，我也申请了职位。我知道你很努力才把我们带到加拿大来过更好的生活，像大多数人一样，我们都想为了下一代让生活和世界变得好一点。你已经为我做到了这个，而我也觉得我有必要为了其他人这么做。当我有机会的时候，我想帮助世界其它地方的孩子，他们生活在贫困和冲突中，甚至可能都没有父母或其他人关心他们的福利、健康和教育。如果这一切发生在我弟弟或者我自己的孩子身上，我知道我会希望有其他人能为他们担保，优先考虑他们的需要，给他们成长和追寻梦想的机会。生活在贫困中的儿童在中国大陆到处都有很多，在世界其它国家就更是不可尽数了。到处都有遭受暴力的儿童，就算在加拿大也不例外。所以我申请世界各地的工作并不是因为我觉得有趣和刺激而想去一个新地方拥有新体验，而是因为那里有需要。在我有限的生命里，我想尽自己最大的努力去尝试做些事情使其他人的生活有所改变。
有可能我并不擅长做这些我想去做的事情，或者有一天我将意识到我不适合做这些，可是将来的事我还不知道会怎么样除非我改变主意了。这些价值是我想与之共存的，所以这不仅仅是一份工作，这是我想走的人生之路，我认为这样做我的人生会变得有意义，我就不会虚度这一生。生活在纽约和其它大都市让我快乐，我可以享受美食、购物、看芭蕾等等，不过这些快乐并不能够真正赋予我人生的意义。在癌症研究、儿童卫生保健和人类健康这些领域工作就能够。我这一生里有太多的事情想做，但在目前我趋向于去那些有急切需要的地方工作。
我们都不知道也门的“救助儿童会”是否会给我这个工作机会，他们很可能需要年纪大一些的更有经验的人。但是我要尝试，至少可以证明我有足够的资格和能力在这条路上走下去。就算我面试成功得到这份工作，我当然也要慎重地考虑，因为你说得对，也门正在发生激烈冲突到处都有危险，这也是我的主要忧虑。这个对于我是合理担忧，至于改变我的生活方式或者生活得更艰难或者放弃一份轻松的工作都不是我要忧虑的，因为这些不是我现在最看重的。我对自己非常有信心，如果我决定不走这条路回来，我也会成功的。我当然知道你和妈妈都担心我的人身安全，所以如果他们给我工作机会我也不会轻易决定的，等我们详细讨论后我会全面衡量再作决定。我不希望你们整天担心我的安全，所以我选择工作的地方有可能不是像也门这种高度不稳定的地方。但你必须要知道的是，我将要工作的地方很可能是在发展中国家，如非洲、亚洲等。我不够资格加入军队，你应该为此高兴。
你可要知道我非常害怕去那些正在发生冲突和战争的地方，这是我不得不考虑的。但是我还是会其他不完善的发展中国家，那里有公共卫生和人道救援的需要。所以就算不是同样的职位，也会是类似的。中国在过去的发展过程中也曾经被富裕国家看不起，这是不公平的，因为我们既不能选择在哪里出生也不能选择一出生就过哪一种生活。这些只是表面上的分别，说到底我们都是居住在地球上的人，而地球只不过是宇宙中的一粒微尘。在我的思想中，任何人被丢下都是不对的，当我知道有些孩子因为缺乏卫生保健和营养以至活 不过5岁时，我不能无动于衷。我好像曾经对你和妈妈说过我想做什么的，但可能你们都没把我的话当真，也可能是我没敢说，怕万一自己不成才的话就什么也干不成。但是就算我最终还是留下来干了一份让你高兴但我自己不喜欢的工作，我今天也必须要说出来，你从中能窥见我如何作决定以及我人生的价值观。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net