You are contradicting yourself. -omega4(omega) @枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum

枫下家园 / 幸福家庭 / My marriage -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-30 {3125} (#4588720@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I've been here for pretty long time. Now I would like to share you my experience. Thanks for any comments.

I graduated from college. My education background is not strong. My dream was to be a wife. Have a job ( not hard, but can get some money), and take care of my family.
Ten years ago, I married to a man who was very nice to me. He was handsome, gental, and very sweet. I loved him very much. But he was kind of lazy, and not very agressive.
He has master's degree in China. But he is not working hard on his career. My sister reminded me that career was very important to a man. If he had career, your family would be ok financially and everything would go well. I married him any way.

It's his idea to immigrate to Canada. we landed in toronto five years ago. I found an office job right away. Not much money, but we can live with it. He's major is very hard to get a job, plus his english is not very good. He soon found a labour job. I started to worry about him when I found that he enjoyed working as a labour. He said I like it because I did not have to think... I still believed in him and think one day, he would have a decent job and we would have a better life. Then we had our son. Life has changed. I can't go to work anymore. I started to stay at home and being a full time mommy. One day, Suddenly I realized that my husband was not dependable. If I wanted a better life, I had to work on it myself!! I've been very lazy. Now I had to depend on myself. I was so mad at my husband. I hated him because he liked being a labour. He did not want to work his resume and looking for job. He said there was no market for his major. He did not send one resume out, not even one...

I made my mind, and I told myself not to blame him anymore and work on it myself. I started to take courses in my spare time. When My son was 3 years old. I sent him to daycare. And same time, I got a certificate from a college. I got a job.My salary is 1 times higher than my husband. Now I am still taking courses in my spare time. Its not easy for me. I have to work, taking care of my son, doing housework, taking caurses... My husband, still working as a labour and did not help me out a litter...

I look down of him. Lazy and has no career. I complain a lot. I am being crazy sometimes. I use f words sometimes. I am not a lady anymore, I am a crazy woman.

Recently, he wanted to go back to college to get a deploma. But it's a full time course. I donot know if I should support him. Because I do not believe him anymore. He said we can't aford of full time study. That's why I take my course parttimely. but now ,he wanted to do a full time. If anyone in my family should go to school, that would be me. Because I garantee I would earn more after the study. But him, I do not know. He is too lazy. I do not have confidence on him. Is it sad??

I till love him i would say. He is kind to us, when I was mad, he was just being quite. But I regret to marry him. I am very tired with him. What if I married someone else who has career? I think about my sister's words very often recently....更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

真能写, 冲你的诚实, 先赞一个. -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-30 (#4588749@0)

me too -nobleman(nobleman); 2008-8-30 (#4651778@0)

问题一: 男人养家是不是天经地义, -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-30 (#4588754@0)

世界上没有什么天经地义的事情，只要夫妻双方自己愿意，就是好日子。 -whatislove(什么是爱); 2008-7-30 (#4588844@0)

跟我想的一样. 我觉得最幸福的夫妻就是没有觉得自己在无奈而不得不做很多事. 不管公不公平, 全在我乐意, 我高兴. 那就是找对人了. -happygirl888(Happy Girl); 2008-7-30 (#4589112@0)

是天经地义. 如果男人让女人为面包发愁, 就不是合格的丈夫. -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-30 (#4588852@0)

你这可不符合本坛的主流思想，这儿的人尤其女士们最讲究的就是平等 -xybca(郁郁葱葱); 2008-7-31 (#4590359@0)

等所有男人都长了一个子宫，那才是真正的男女平等！！！ -newshoes(小冰壶); 2008-9-3 (#4659975@0)

那小JJ往哪儿放？ -mxinmfei(腰缠万罐); 2008-9-19 {26} (#4701892@0)
这个世界还要女人有什么用？

没错，这是男人自信的资本。 -hillsouth(海珠珠); 2008-7-30 (#4588882@0)
至少男人也应该是主力。 -msnbaobao(上海肉包); 2008-7-31 (#4589736@0)
还是赶紧离把，一离男的肯定找到好工作了。这样的例子周围太多了。老天大概在等这种女人离开。然后给男人自信。 -banduoyun(NN); 2008-7-31 (#4591151@0)

问题二: 工作和事业有什么区别. -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-30 (#4588755@0)

工作带来钱，事业带来满足感。 -whatislove(什么是爱); 2008-7-30 (#4588846@0)
工作(job)所赚的钱也许只够make ends meet, 事业(career)所赚的钱不仅能让家人衣食无忧,还能有better life, peace of mind, etc -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-30 (#4588855@0)
工作是时点，CAREER是过程，目的是赚钱ENJOY自己的生活。 -hillsouth(海珠珠); 2008-7-30 (#4588885@0)
收入是主要的区别，但生活的根本是一样的。 -msnbaobao(上海肉包); 2008-7-31 (#4589738@0)

问题三: 做自己喜欢做的事重要, 还是挣很多钱重要. -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-30 (#4588758@0)

这个完全是仁者见仁智者见智。另外关键不是在于到底哪个重要，而在于夫妻双方对这个问题的答案是否一致。 -whatislove(什么是爱); 2008-7-30 (#4588847@0)

我太同意你的意见了. -happygirl888(Happy Girl); 2008-7-30 (#4589122@0)

重要的是能挣很多钱又不讨厌(喜欢最好)自己所从事的工作 -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-30 (#4588859@0)
真正的强者是由权选择自己的生活。就是不为金钱所累，不要委屈求全，凡是本心本意，心胸坦荡。 -hillsouth(海珠珠); 2008-7-30 (#4588891@0)
在你没有钱时，就挣为主，在你有钱的时候，你可就以选择作什么了。 -msnbaobao(上海肉包); 2008-7-31 (#4589742@0)

问题四: 是不是每个人都有受教育的权利. 上学的目的道底是什么呢? -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-30 (#4588764@0)

Agree. -notnewuser(我本无知); 2008-7-30 (#4588818@0)
Above are all the good questions worth to think about . -learnfromothers(淘淘乐); 2008-7-30 (#4588843@0)
参见上个问题的回答。 -whatislove(什么是爱); 2008-7-30 (#4588850@0)
上学的目的是能赚到更多的钱, 更好地养家糊口. 达不到这目的是教育投资的失败 -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-30 (#4588862@0)
赚钱和提高修养，增长知识，使自己更虚怀若谷。所以炫耀自己高学历的人基本是学习的失败者。 -hillsouth(海珠珠); 2008-7-30 (#4588896@0)

you are making the biggest mistake and you should stop the naive idea. I don't understand why you still don't satisfy though you have a stable income, a lovely kid and kind-heart husband? -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-30 (#4588768@0)

她没说她LG是kind-heart, 看到说在家务还带孩子方面一点都不帮她, 很懒, 挣的也不多. LZ一个女人要上学, 上班, 带孩子做家务, 而LG什么忙都帮不上,经济上又不宽余, 每天累的要命, 是很容易上火生气的, 都是很现实的问题. -greenstar(大熊宝店); 2008-7-30 {57} (#4588782@0)
所以LZ的痛苦我很可以理解. 不过LG要去上学还是应该支持一把.

this is the key "挣的也不多" -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-30 (#4588786@0)

我到不觉得女人都是时刻把金钱放在第一, LZ嫁他的时候, 估计他LG也没什么钱, LZ也没嫌呀, 问题是看LZ的描述他LG事业心上懒, 家庭生活上也不帮LZ, 时间长了, 自然感情变淡. 每个女人都希望自己的丈夫在事业上有所建树, 这也不是什么不合理的要求, 起码做人要主动一些 -greenstar(大熊宝店); 2008-7-30 (#4588793@0)

1.i don't think her husband " 事业心上懒", why he want improve jimself by entering the colleage. 2 "每个女人都希望自己的丈夫在事业上有所建树, 这也不是什么不合理的要求, 起码做人要主动一些" --------这是家庭悲剧的根源！ -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-30 (#4588802@0)

我到觉得悲剧根源往往是两人发展的不平衡,一个积极主动, 一个永远被动, 或是非要对方反复说了才动, 时间长了肯定有矛盾的. 不过要是没感情了, 什么都是白说. -greenstar(大熊宝店); 2008-7-30 (#4588813@0)

完全同意 -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-30 (#4588825@0)

想想清楚,你是爱他的人,还是他的工作,事业和钱. 爱,不能只有浪漫,爱是实实在在的生活. 加拿大最好的生活是,平淡, 无欲无想.别自己烦自己了. -sundance(Manga); 2008-7-30 (#4588785@0)

工作,事业和钱不都是人的一部分嘛. -jfamily(plusplus); 2008-7-30 (#4588995@0)

好好和他谈谈, 和他一起规划一下未来career上的发展计划, 还是支持他去上学吧, 经济上也可以试试申请OSAP等等. 让他帮你分担一些家务. -greenstar(大熊宝店); 2008-7-30 (#4588804@0)
不PART TIME 学就离婚. -letempsdescerises(混世俗人); 2008-7-30 (#4588819@0)
It's sad, go find a marriage councilor first then decided what to do. you guys lost trust on each other. -arfeifei(老顽童); 2008-7-30 (#4588839@0)

a marriage councilor will help you make up your mind to -wince(MerryGoRound); 2008-7-31 {7} (#4591356@0)
divorce

半推半猜基本懂你的意思, 但一会儿过去式一会儿现在式, 实在不知你的烦恼和矛盾是过去还是现在. 如果你已决定靠自己的力量, 不依赖LG, 那就勇往直前, 没必要再抱怨. 如果因为自我奋斗而力不从心, 那就调整自己, 抱怨只会让自己更泄气. -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-30 (#4588840@0)

在语法上打击别人，你老毛病又犯啦 -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-7-31 (#4589649@0)

一会儿过去式一会儿现在式是实话实说啊. 你老这么早就起来较劲啦. 你那food color gender too, 至今难忘, 要不是高人翻译, 打死我都猜不出啥意思. 就凭这句话, 我的那句评论也合情合理地中肯吧, 怎么到现在还耿耿于怀? -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-31 (#4590340@0)

莺耶? 鱼耶? who knows ... -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-8-1 (#4592227@0)

茴字有四样写法，你知道吗？ -arfeifei(老顽童); 2008-7-31 (#4590362@0)

怎么写随意, 关键是大家都认识吗? -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-31 (#4590535@0)

I can read one eye ten lines. -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-31 (#4590552@0)

:-))) coolmao fire eye gold ball, can one eye thousand miles in the dark. one eye ten lines just give you some color see see -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-31 (#4590587@0)

没觉得打累伯有什么太不对的，养家和爱你们已经很足够了，不要试图去设计别人，千万别干供他念FULLTIME这种愚蠢透顶的事。如果他赚不了多的钱，你就多干点---这得认命。 -hillsouth(海珠珠); 2008-7-30 (#4588910@0)
I have had similar situation as you do for almost 10 years. -tigerandme45(tiger); 2008-7-30 {686} (#4589033@0)
My ex-husband never sent outeven one resume. I made some suggestions on what he should do, either going to school or looking for job, but he said he himself knew what he could do and what he should do. He did not need my suggestions. He also told me that if I thought he was good enough I should go ahead to find a better one for myself. After living a life like this for a few years, we got divorced. I felt relieved finanly. He tod me me that I can find a boy friend anytime , however, he did not want to move out. I feel he still loves me and takes care of me, but he just does not want to challenge himself anymore.
Hope you can solve your problem as soon as possible.
sister,you should marry a career instead of a man. -xybca(郁郁葱葱); 2008-7-30 (#4589228@0)

I like this comment. -xiaoman(xiaomai); 2008-9-9 (#4676884@0)

在办公室工作的人不一定都挣很多钱。如果他不喜爱做办公室的工作，不要逼他，应该鼓励他做他喜爱做的工作。 -anvil(anvil); 2008-7-30 (#4589487@0)
能够理解LZ此刻的心情，哪里是只言片语能说得清的呢？但是如果她老公打的是$20/H的labour，lz恐怕也没那么大怨言了吧。归根结底，男人不能给家庭一个安全感，老是让女人处在一种恐慌的状态下（LZ的是经济恐慌），就称不上一个秤职的男人。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-30 (#4589511@0)
他爱你吗？他支持你吗？作为丈夫，父亲，他是否比以前懒，或者勤快呢？除了经济的因素，他是否是一个好丈夫，父亲？ -mssg(Wild_Killer); 2008-7-31 (#4589757@0)
先同情你一把。如果你认为他不能给你你所需要和追求的家庭生活，那么，自己好好评估评估，这个婚姻是否应该继续。如果心痛孩子，也还舍不得老公，那么，就认命，千万别试图设计或者改变对方，不但是徒劳无益的，还是祸害无穷的。只要衣食无忧，幸福主要在于自己的感觉。 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4589787@0)

要设计和改变对方，也要润物细无声，诲夫不留痕，还要有只问耕耘，不问收获的境界。 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4589797@0)

check you PM. -creditriver(flyling away); 2008-7-31 (#4589849@0)

Thanks for all your comments. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {1248} (#4590102@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Sisters and Brothers,

Thanks a lot for your comments.

Life is not easy. I just feel ver tired with him. I am thinking about what if...
I never think about leave him. I mentioned it a lot, but not mean it. He is a nice man. He will never leave us. His EQ is much much higher than me. His attitude is : what ever you are: crazy, mad, ugly... you are my wife. He is not going anywhere, and you are not going anywhere. We are together... I feel comfortable with him, because I can be myself. I hurted him a lot I believe when I was mad.

Is he a good husband? I do not think so. He let me take too much responsibility, too much on my shoulder. I am not a strong woman. In my mind, man is the one who takes care of family financially. Because woman has to have baby, taking care of the housework. That's a lot of work too. If you asked me to do both, that's too much. I can't take it. If I take it and without any complain, It's just impossible...to me.

Now, I think I will support him to go back to school. That means the whole family is on my shoulder.
I do everything. I feel " wu2 nai4". But I will do it. I never think that I would be one who support a family. It's just amazing. I feel pround of myself. Thanks a lot, guys.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

他不可以part time读书的吗？难道他真的就比你娇贵？你能做到的事情，为什么他做不到？ -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590214@0)

This program has no part time. Only full time. But he really wants to take it. Mine has part time. So i can do it. tks. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590232@0)

full time读书，也可以part time工作的，比如说starbucks，周末的时候工作１０小时，也不是很难的。起码显示出了他前进的决心。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590267@0)

I am thinking about this too. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590534@0)

嫁累伯随累伯，支持他好好读书，找个好工作，也给儿子做了好榜样。NEVER COMPLAIN。你知道，像俺一样，有工作却整天缠着老婆生老二，或者出去泡妞，如果你摊上不是更头疼？天下没有一个好丈夫，本事小的闯的祸也少。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590238@0)

It's very very hard.. to have my mouth shut. I know my problem. I can bear for a few weeks, but one day i will explode... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590245@0)

锺镇涛离婚后谈论前妻时候说，人，都是自己变聪明的。所以，不要试图改变任何人。别说成年人。孩子都很难改变的。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590259@0)
如果你从内心里不喜欢他这么做，就直接告诉他。我觉得坦诚相处，相互体谅是生活中非常重要的因素。否则你哪天控制不了自己的情绪了，就又是一个恶梦的开始。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590262@0)

有那个改造配偶的时间精力，多用心思锻炼身体，教育儿子，成就自己的事业。很多成功的女人都是，你不行，我就上。男人是最烦太太的批评的，还是鼓励最好。如果不能鼓励，也要包容。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590274@0)

That's what i am doing right now. I am working on myself. I am thinking my life is much better than a single mother's life. At least, he is there all the time, when i need a shouder to cry ... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590287@0)

那就值得鼓励，哪个成功女人的背后不是躲着个窝囊的丈夫？ -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590302@0)

:-))) 你这句话最动听了 -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-7-31 (#4590395@0)
lol -sugareh(糖葫芦); 2008-7-31 (#4591102@0)

第一，我没有支持LZ改变谁。第二，我认为，两个人生活在一起，就是互相迁让的，跟家务劳动一样，今天我累了就少做一点，明天你累了，我就多做一点。不要把担子都放在一个人身上，这样，快乐才会长久。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 {250} (#4590318@0)
LZ的case也是一样的。如果她LG能够真的跟她沟通，两个人始终保持思想上的一致，哪怕是钱少，我想LZ也不会上来抱怨了。男人都希望得到LP的支持，但是你们有没有考虑到LP的感受呢？如果大家都埋头只做自己的事情，而不去和周围的人沟通，那么这个家还有什么存在的意义呢？

台湾，香港的男人没有钱和事业，太太埋怨他们窝囊，他们大陆发展事业，发财了，问题也成堆。这时候太太又要宁愿先生回去打工过日子，教育孩子。这个男人，如果不能独身，只有沉默。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590333@0)

台湾先生在外面出问题，但是绝对不会影响到太太的地位。而且他们每个月的家佣也不会少给一分钱。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590345@0)

抱回小仔就难说了。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590357@0)

这个跟事业成功不成功没关系，跟男人的本性有直接联系。不成功，没事业的男人就不会从外面抱个小仔回来了？你不知道并不表示这种事情没有发生过。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590887@0)

没有钱，只能抱狗崽回来。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-8-1 (#4592099@0)

你还别不信，我身边就有这样的事情，男的starbucks打工，还是part time，女的全职学习，男的就抱了一个孩子回来。还是混血的。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-8-1 (#4592453@0)

中国男人如果人到中年，不能当官，发财，一定四面楚歌。除了上吊，也可以选择每日听郭德刚。一定比听太太的河东猛狮吼开心，养生。俺爹当初的对策是，看那个男人好，马上改嫁。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590352@0)
还有，看你的参照物是谁了，如果你的参照物是street people，你要感谢上帝，我们简直是活在天堂里，如果你的参照物是bill gates，你一辈子都不会开心。 -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590356@0)

你也可以改嫁盖茨。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590363@0)
围城里说，中年男人三大喜，升官，发财，死老婆。看看台湾郭首富登榜第二天，原配过世。富贵逼人，所以要夫妻多活两年，最好是楼主丈夫的不动脑子的体力活，健身而养脑。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590371@0)

Thanks for your understanding. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590354@0)

妻子支持老公全职读书没有什么呀. 可问题是看你写的, 他不愿在事业上有所追求, 也不喜欢办公室工作, 那他上学是自愿的么? 如果不是, 读完书又能有啥用.. -6bear6(maple bear); 2008-7-31 (#4590465@0)

值估嘛，还PM？ -okee-dokee(老实巴交); 2008-7-31 (#4590427@0)

楼主若是男的上来抱怨他老婆，别说让女同胞唾沫淹死，就是男同胞也一定大砖头伺候。只是我有疑问，这儿的女同胞们整天谈平等，咋这个时候就不能平等对待了呢？我知道很多朋友女的在家没工作，这个男的并不是猫家里啥都不干， -xybca(郁郁葱葱); 2008-7-31 {258} (#4590348@0)
而只是去工厂打工，这个有错了？为啥男的比老婆挣的少了就不行了？
女士们，你们到底是要的金钱还是爱情啊，是不是在这儿一目了然了？
你们整天吵吵平等，总是平等对自己有利的时候喊平等，不利的时候就想起国人传统男人要养家且要顶天立地不能比女的差，
嗨，我只有叹的份儿

所以用俺天才爹地的杀手锏，俺在这个番邦的北大荒已经尽了力，如果如果你觉得哈勃好，或者盖茨好，或者梁朝伟帅，请马上改嫁，从此天天郭德刚，好像那小子也是给原配嫌没事业被甩了才发迹的。我看埋怨丈夫的太太才是先生真正事业的绊脚石。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590388@0)

移民以后，环境改变，由于女性比较容易找到工作，许多男性处于了劣势，女性失去对男性的崇拜，也失去了所谓的感情基础可以理解。但是作为女性，是否应该宽容一点，尤其有了家庭以后，男的能够开开心心去打工，在加拿大同样辉煌 -gulin13(xiao nu); 2008-9-19 {2022} (#4702647@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛不要以传统的中国思想来判定一个男人的成就，你老公爱你，脾气好，有很多优点，但有些东西也许环境改变后羞，由于语言劣势，得不到发挥，条条大路通罗马，样样工作，只要干得愉快，都是以力气吃饭，本人是在加国成的家，好多人眼里，老公有本事，一到加拿大，就拿到的一个同样跨国公司的工作，非常专业的工资，工资很高，我也经济独立，以前国内就是个高级白领，有不少积蓄，来后工作也可以，是个幸福的家庭，完美的组合。

可是我的婚姻不得已走到了末路，是因为极端大男子主义，虽然外表谦和，却沿袭骨子里农村他家的做法，大小事情连孩子穿戴意见不同，不但没有同女人商量，如有不同意见，采用暴力打女人制止，愈发厉害，频繁，我是实在没有办法无法忍受，虽然，用了各种手段想让他改变，可他愈发利用我的宽容，和软弱，变本加厉，总以为有孩子，（他对孩子脾气好，虽然难免有时候也暴躁），我就是签了终身卖生契给他了，他没变心，就是对我最大的恩赐，孩子可以说话，女人不可以讲话，最后只有坚决彻底离开这种心里变态的男人。

所以你的婚姻有问题，但只要女人如果真的自立，就该改变对先生要求过高的心态，尤其是环境改变了以后，已经结婚了，难道以后对方残废了，就没感情了，我的父母双方都是高级知识分子，曾经由于家庭出身原因，爸爸交通大学毕业也差点被发配到边远山村，妈妈毕业却留在上海，可是我妈妈从来是坚定地跟他走，从小父母教育的就是“你坐牢我也去”，这种感情才是女人坚强自立的表现

女人崇拜男人，希望他伟大，有成就，可是有的时候是客观因素，改变不了，我想国内的硕士一定脑子也不傻，我认识好几对上海夫妇，都是两个人没有所谓专业工作，打普通工，家庭财富也积累的很好，还有两个家庭，都是来这里后老婆比老公工资高许多，同样一点没有改变彼此的感情关系，中国的男人也要改变观念，有时候来这里后就没有自信，所以在女人眼里变得渺小，女人也一样不要认为男人就该有专业工作，同人家老公比工资，否则就不满，

每个婚姻都会有问题，但只要不是极端的，就一定要坚持。

还有一句大实话，到了蛇么岁数作啥事，到了30，40离异找幸福，剩下的单身男人，能和你成家的都基本是有问题的，变态得都有可能，大多是质量很差的，也许比现在这个滥一百倍，99，9的金子早被人抢走了，。除非你想开了，以后可以放纵自己，作单亲对孩子总归不利，，对自己都需要很大勇气的，所以一定要对手中的幸福知足，同时要自立，女人宽容，自爱会有回报的。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

good point! If i were single, I would like to date you. :） -viper99(viper); 2008-9-24 (#4715620@0)

只有国女才要求平等，西男人还是lady first. 但西女人自己也清楚是男人给的 -giss(rr); 2008-7-31 (#4590407@0)
Interesting! -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {1044} (#4590413@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛He can't earn much money, what about help me cook dinner, or just wash the vegetable. Or being a good father, play with his son a while everyday... None. Whenever I go to school on Saturday, they would eat junk food, chocate, chip, cookie... The TV would be on for the whole day. Because he is hanging onthe internet. I can't bear it, but he can. He does not see a problem if the tv on for over 5 hours for my son.

I know a full time at home daddy. He is very responsable. taking care of their son, preparing lunch and dinner... everything, and the mother goes to work. ( Because the mother can get more money.) They are fine. It works.

The problem is not every man can do housework well or cabable to take good care of kid and family. They are not good at it. So it will end up the woman has to go to work and take care of the family and everything.

If I could choose, I would like my husband to have birth, cook for me and taking care of me. And I go out to work. But i do not have this choice, I am a woman, it ends up not good.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
你是说老公抱怨老婆收入不高，让老公不得不出去挣钱？如果这家的老婆不能生孩子，也不带孩子，也不做家务，还不出去挣钱，而这家老公却在家生孩子，带孩子，作家务，还不得不出去挣钱，那老公抱怨老婆是应该的，不过，如果这样，到底谁是老婆，谁是老公？ -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590433@0)

Agree. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590457@0)

读了我头昏脑胀，算你英文超强行了吧。 -okee-dokee(老实巴交); 2008-7-31 (#4590426@0)
My salary is doubled of my husband. I am a licensed engineer. He is a labour. But he is happy. I am ok with it. He shares house work with me. We are happy. Our family is happy. As long as he is happy, he can make some money. It is enough for me. -littlesand(sweetsmile); 2008-7-31 (#4590451@0)

你自己如果有足够能力挣钱养家，老公如果能帮做家务，带孩子，心态好，当然没有什么。问题是一般女的挣钱能力不足够强，情况完全不一样。 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590467@0)

That's my situation now. My education background is not strong. I was not a good student. Because I wasted a lot of time when I was young. Now I have hard time. I am struggling... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590476@0)

关键是这一句＂He shares house work with me.＂ -jpxh(帅帅他娘); 2008-7-31 (#4590891@0)

Stupid, it's easy for chinese women to find better job here than the counterpart of your men, so the western men can play with chinese women, understand? -123traveller(123); 2008-7-31 (#4590461@0)

can't agree. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590470@0)

在加拿大埋怨丈夫的太太，是天下最蠢的女人，应该抽自己耳光，至少当初瞎了眼。这个低级错误,中学毕业的刘嘉玲都不会犯. -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590474@0)
似乎你即不支持他上fulltime学也不愿意他labor，又没有partime学习的选择。那你要怎样呢？另外，远离你那些sisters，在家庭不顺心时想她们的话是自找烦恼。甚至成事不足。 -yusheng(拜月); 2008-7-31 (#4590491@0)

I will suport him to take the full time program. Check my update. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590501@0)

我知道。我的意思是你不心甘情愿，你怕这样一来所有的负担都在你身上了，如果我没看错的话。我想说的是你有没有更好的方案来解决问题，other than 诉苦和抱怨。 -yusheng(拜月); 2008-7-31 (#4590514@0)

Yes. I should be positive. I know. Today I feel much much better after reading these comments. I need to speak it out. Thanks! -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590556@0)

远离你那些sisters，在家庭不顺心时想她们的话是自找烦恼。甚至成事不足。 -yusheng(拜月); 13:49 (#4590491@0) -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-31 (#4590561@0)

Now, you become a good girl. Anyway, try to let your husband know what you were thinking. -bulldozer(淡泊以明志); 2008-7-31 (#4590598@0)

心不甘情不愿的好，还不如不好 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590636@0)

不错，这么做确实好，尽管你牺牲的更大些 -giss(rr); 2008-7-31 (#4591312@0)

ask countless chinese men who submited their resume but never get response. it's not their fault. don't double punish them. -123traveller(123); 2008-7-31 (#4590492@0)

I would not say anything, if he had sent out resume and looked for job. The problem is he's never sent a resume. He gave up without even try once... That's what I mad about him... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590522@0)

there was no market for his major, right? -123traveller(123); 2008-7-31 {27} (#4590559@0)
support him to go to school
他发了reseme你也会找出其他的理由来抱怨。症结在你内心，就是必须找个比自己挣钱多的。如果你不能改变，那么离了对你丈夫也是一个解脱。本来社会的压力就够大了，还要增加家里的压力。不变疯也得跳桥，多伦多有先例了 -xybca(郁郁葱葱); 2008-7-31 (#4590563@0)

压力 on my shouler now。I will 变疯 or 得跳桥 If i live like this. I complain too much I think. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590594@0)

上还是不上，这是个问题。其实很简单，上学，他有希望不做labor，哪怕只有１％，不上，是０。而你容忍不了０，容忍不了他一点改变都没有的就这么下去。 -yusheng(拜月); 2008-7-31 {325} (#4590639@0)
但是，有希望就有成本，成本就是你要负担家庭的全部。别指望他上学时会parttime大功，这个只能是bonus。你付出的成本有可能打了水飘，要是他上完学还找不到专业工的话。

这个选择要你自己做，谁也代替不了，当然前提是你丈夫愿意你替他选择。这实际上也是在选择你们家将来的前途。不管选什么，将来要是失败了，你都不要抱怨，因为这是你做的选择。

Your are absolutely right. I need to adjust myself. Don't feel "kui" if work too much. Thanks a lot! -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590667@0)

He supported you and your family when you went to college. He sacrify his career to provide family income. You married him for reason. Is the reason still hold? I look down you cause you look down your husband just becasue of his labor job. -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590593@0)

I look down him not only because he is a labour. The main reason I think is he is not working hard and lazy, not positive and consistant on his career. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {104} (#4590621@0)
He never sacrify for me. If he would, I would take a full time program. I think I sacrify a lot for him.

你有他两倍的收入，日子还是能过下去的。要想他发愤图强，look down他不是个好办法。少埋怨，多鼓励。少给他具体压力，想办法让他要发自内心的努力，比如多和一些他的成功的同学交往，你小鸟依人一点，只管花钱，别着急有多少钱，。。你现在这种心态不好 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590661@0)

OK. It's hard. I will try... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590676@0)

No. Just divorce him. Marry another wrok holic pathetic one. Imagine what a happy marriage! People not happy now will never happy in the future. -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590695@0)
在投资过程中如果亏大了，你要不割肉，会很疼，但避免了你进一步的损失，要不持有。而不是整天瞪着这支股说我为你付出了那么多心血，你怎么不涨来回报我点。婚姻也一样，要不离婚，这样一切的恩怨都消失了，没有了婚姻就不计较亏了，要不保持。也许会好也许更遭。 -yusheng(拜月); 2008-7-31 {270} (#4590802@0)
最不能做的就是又要保持某种状态又不满意这种状态，而你又无力去改变这种状态。还不能做的就是整天想着别人的话，男人就该怎样怎样，越想越觉得自己亏。越想越觉得不该嫁她，然后越看他越不顺眼。其实灌输这些观念的人回家后也是插上门就打架，但你不知道，于是那些话就变成了专门来气你的。

Actually, I don't care what's that. If I feel good , I will wear it, otherwise, I just don't wear it.The marriage ring is only a lock. -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590907@0)

What a wrong place. Any way. it's still after your post. -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590909@0)

You used him for your Canadian dream. If he is lazy, why you married him? You will never happy becasue your desires keep growing along with your additonal certificate and higher income. -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590671@0)

You can't use the word "use"! It's not this issue. Plus that's not my dream. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590684@0)

Now is it your dream to complain? Move on! Pursue your own dream! -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590702@0)

You want to quarrel, I leave it with you... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590723@0)

离了吧，别再折腾了 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 (#4590700@0)

如果要是离婚了，男的立刻就找到好工作了，。。。 -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4590710@0)

就是 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {7} (#4590713@0)
Win-Win

Furnatelly, you are not in my life. I believe all your friends are divorced because of you. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590733@0)

我给你介绍个离婚律师吧，打折 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {18} (#4590739@0)
又快又好，不留后患

You are blessed... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590761@0)

迟早的事，早办早好 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 (#4590771@0)

you are 早办 le ? -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590812@0)
How many times have you been 办 Le?? -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590814@0)

你这属于紧急情况，优先办理 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 (#4590829@0)

You sounds like woman?? Why called "ye"??? Or you are the "middle"... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590838@0)

出谋划策 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {12} (#4590905@0)
给你发信息了

Please save your words. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590913@0)

再好好考虑考虑 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {18} (#4590937@0)
想好了给我来个电话

You 好好考虑考虑, 办理 yours first. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590944@0)

俏皮话还挺多的嘛 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {18} (#4590954@0)
欺负俺们学俄语的？

我老眼昏花了 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {22} (#4590958@0)
怎么一眨眼俏皮话没了？

You are blind. Where are your eyes? To take care of your breath?? -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590962@0)

这英语，听着让人心头真 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {4} (#4590974@0)
暖和

You are "pin2". Time for you to go home and " liang2kuai4"! -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4590959@0)

这是 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {33} (#4590972@0)
Canadian English 还是 US English?

Too -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {25} (#4590988@0)
old to know "pinyin"...

发贴，编辑，重发，一气呵成 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {22} (#4591000@0)
还好确定了我的华人身份

发贴，编辑，重发，一气呵成 -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {55} (#4591010@0)
One day rest needed for this post...too old... Dinner??

此贴的成长期 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {30} (#4591017@0)
长长长长长长长
长长长长长长长

此贴的成长期 -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {7} (#4591022@0)
Weak...

长长了就不weak了 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {6} (#4591027@0)
硬道理

此贴的成长期 -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {40} (#4591034@0)
y won't see it, time won't wait for y.

怎么都得撑到那一天 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {9} (#4591039@0)
see个究竟

y can live1000years. -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4591043@0)

多么坚韧不拔的意志啊 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {18} (#4591048@0)
你还不下班做饭去。

or y can live 10000years -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4591049@0)

阿花 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {8} (#4591051@0)
回家做饭

Xiao绍兴师zi, -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 {12} (#4591058@0)
You回家做饭!

待我向你的老公，孩子问好哈 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {6} (#4591070@0)
回家喽

y not 撑到那一天. You lose, You dead. HaHa... -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-7-31 (#4591072@0)

撑一天是一天 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-7-31 {28} (#4591212@0)
你再不做饭就被你老公打手心了

二位, 做完饭, 刷好碗, 散过步了吧? 继续呀. -coolmao(酷猫*Agamemnon); 2008-7-31 (#4591384@0)

阿花给她男人搓脚拇丫呢，没空 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 (#4591721@0)

This贴爆strong.英语very进步了after看完！ -vulala(vulala); 2008-8-2 (#4595157@0)

Know your fortune? Cherish them! -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590743@0)

天不赐二物也。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2008-7-31 (#4590734@0)

我是女人，看完你的贴子，万分同情你的老公。人家打LABOR已经不容易，何必还这样苦苦相逼？ -majia222(Nowwhat); 2008-7-31 (#4590823@0)

good! -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-31 (#4590830@0)

People in real life complain about her husband in public deserve a respect? I hope she just acting! -abrockymountain(Rocky Mountain); 2008-7-31 (#4590856@0)

she deserves be divorced. -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-31 (#4591105@0)

对钱的欲望太大，永远不会满足。别告诉我说是为了老公的事业。我的理解，爱一个人的话他觉得舒心你也应该高兴。把他逼的崩溃对你有何好处？说明根本就不爱的。 -xybca(郁郁葱葱); 2008-7-31 (#4591083@0)

说到我心窝里了！ -jameswang006(no free lunch); 2008-7-31 (#4591109@0)

Nod! Nod! -bulldozer(淡泊以明志); 2008-7-31 (#4591215@0)
这就奇了怪了，一个大男人，找不到做半公室的工作，打labour有什么不容易的？难道坐在家里靠老婆养活吗？如果老婆是个富婆也就算了，但有几个老婆是富婆啊？男人不养家糊口，他能在家生儿育女？ -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 {208} (#4591369@0)
怎么这么多人觉得男人不可以不做家务，但可以不养家，而女人不可以没有工作，但可以不做家务不管孩子？到底什么算男人，什么算女人？

楼主希望老公能担当养家糊口的重任，这不很正常吗？当然，楼主的心态和方式有待改进。
how about the man never helps housework and never takes care of the kid? -wince(MerryGoRound); 2008-7-31 (#4591371@0)

push老公洗衣做饭洗碗有理－－老公做家务才是男女平等的体现，push老公养家糊口无理－－弱女子养活大男人才体现了‘妇女能顶半边天’ -justhappy(...); 2008-7-31 (#4591381@0)

Agree. 而且她这个LG帅，kind 且nice, 估计也loyal, 自知工作难寻就打工，而不怨天尤人祸害家人所以性格不错，这么个LG如果又多金有career, 别人的女人该撞豆腐。人要知足。 -linshell(serenity); 2008-7-31 (#4591476@0)

小白脸还是好，不过自己要有实力才能养得起，否则，有什么用？人家楼主觉得自己养的太累，再好也没有了心情享受的。楼主需要的是一个撑家的男人。 -justhappy(...); 2008-8-1 (#4591863@0)
can't agree more. he is a nice guy, kind and 帅. what a good man! -viper99(viper); 2008-9-24 (#4715685@0)

早晨就是好 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 {22} (#4591911@0)
顶起那隔夜贴呀，隔夜贴
咱们国人怎么这么多门第观念？作general labour 工作有什么不好？！在你们心底里就真那么低下吗？你自己有多高贵？八旗子弟？或者马哥波罗的84代外孙女？！即使是，又怎样？你的血跟其他国人血有什么不同？！办公室工作就把你变得高贵了？！ I Don't Think So! -sourgrape(Sourgrape); 2008-8-1 {244} (#4592072@0)
你以为跟他离婚你就会变得高贵了。试试吧，你今后的日子不会比现在好多少。关键在观念！丫环的命小姐的心，永远都不会心态平衡的。您从那椅子上下来吧。别再摔着。当普通人挺好。好好过日子，培养你们的孩子别有你现在的想法。让他成为一个永远在哪都快乐的汉子！

Thanks a lot. Some comments are harsh, but still help. I wish you all have a happy life in canada. -the end- (I take of my vest...) -flowerfly(waterfall); 2008-8-1 (#4592083@0)

Sorry for my frankness. I don't mean you personally. I want to say that to our folks, mainly to those ladies who only value everything in this world with Money, or any other material matters. Wish they'd be happy someday -sourgrape(Sourgrape); 2008-8-1 (#4592223@0)

Have to say, totally agree with u. 1. Actually, lots office work even earn less than labor . 2. have to give labor work a 2nd look now - it is healthier than office work : less stress, more physical practice... -miss_helen_2000(Sandy); 2008-8-2 {125} (#4594840@0)
it only means shallow mind to look down labors. In canada, lots CEOs' ideal are to make money and to become a famer someday.

Yeah, those people may live longer than those work in offices! If only they, also we, may open up our minds -sourgrape(A Chinese Man); 2008-9-19 (#4701681@0)

光天化日，朗朗乾坤 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 {12} (#4592095@0)
恶狠狠地顶！

光天化日，朗朗乾坤, 就见师爷顶阿花, 还饿得很. -wjn(冬天的芹菜); 2008-8-1 (#4592126@0)

要不 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 {12} (#4592153@0)
你先顶一会？

You are contradicting yourself. -omega4(omega); 2008-8-1 {609} (#4592191@0)
You said he was lazy and didn't want to try to get a better job. Now he wants to try but you don't want to support him. What do you want him to do? If you did marry a man who had a career, you may still be admiring other men who have even better career and money now.
No man is perfect. Try to adjust your way of thinking and pay attention to the better sides of him, he treats you and the kid well, he enjoys his current work and life, etc, and you will be happier. If you focus on the darker side of life, you wouldn't be happy even if you are a millionaire.
Life is short, take it easy and good luck
想沉？ -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 {6} (#4593100@0)
no way

师爷好象是兴奋异常......??? -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-8-1 (#4593344@0)

顶贴以警世人 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-1 (#4593790@0)

警世男: 夫荣妻贵, 男人本色. 一等男人, 一手全顶内外天,对妻对孩呵护有加; 二等男人, 夫顶外天妻顶内天, 或夫妻内外各顶半边天; 三等男人, 顶不了半边天; 等外男人, 剥夺婚权终身. -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-8-2 (#4594217@0)

对于等外男人也应给于缓期执行才能彰显和谐气氛 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-3 (#4596337@0)

Don't think it would change anything better in your life just by complaining. if u want to maintain your marriage per your said, do not complain , do not try to change him but urself. cuz u can't change someone in his/her 30s. -miss_helen_2000(Sandy); 2008-8-2 {285} (#4594825@0)
the solution is -
1. let him do whatever he want, & u're with him in the marriage.
2. Divorce, and seeking someone fit your ideal like many ppl suggestion above.....
3. stay in unhappiness, complain, and nothing will change..........

pretty simple, try to be wise............
不沉的铁达尼号 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-4 (#4596748@0)

铁达尼号不沉 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-7 (#4603626@0)

铁达寺出家的, 号不沉? -coolmao(酷猫*Tlaloc); 2008-8-7 (#4603638@0)

这贴决不能沉，要教天下人知晓 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-7 (#4603655@0)

给分析一下呗，为啥这贴不能沉，没看出来有什么特别的。 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2008-8-7 (#4604135@0)

怎没什么特别? 没看到师爷付出了多少心血? -sunbeamcga(二月莺飞); 2008-8-7 (#4604148@0)

贴在姻缘在 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-7 {8} (#4604171@0)
贴沉缘灭

这个，不会是你家的事吧？不过估计也差不远了 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2008-8-7 (#4604205@0)

承让 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-8 {8} (#4604654@0)
彼此彼此
You step on his tail... -cat71(cat71); 2008-8-8 (#4606348@0)

聪明！点破且顶贴！ -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-10 {12} (#4610148@0)
不赞都不行！

瞧你这酸劲！！穷酸！ -try2remember(lovelynight); 2008-8-11 (#4610522@0)

表扬！ -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-11 (#4611541@0)

替你觉得累,,,你先生其实没有错,错在他读了太多的书,而且是没有market的专业,,, 但是这个不应该影响你们的感情,他有工作,他愿意继续读书,,其实他也有在努力,只是和你没有共识,,, 错在与你没有共同的目标,,,,你尝试听听他心里的声音吧,为了你们的共同幸福. -gogotoronto(CiCi); 2008-8-10 (#4610237@0)

手一抖，竟然。。。 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-11 {1} (#4610407@0)
`
清官难断家务事啊。 -vista3(故乡的云); 2008-9-3 (#4659690@0)

贪官更难断 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-9-3 (#4659749@0)

星期二例顶 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-12 (#4612466@0)
咋看咋像我的一个朋友的经历哪。 -mideng(mideng); 2008-8-12 {162} (#4613391@0)
一般的这种没追求怕失败的人是小时候缺乏父母的爱的人，加上人本身的惰性，就成这样了。。。

至少为了孩子，多爱一点你的老公吧。爱能改变人，但恨只能使他往反方向改变。

没人想沉 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-14 (#4617490@0)

没门 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-8-30 (#4651672@0)

Every couple is not a pair. -nobleman(nobleman); 2008-8-30 (#4651717@0)

哪里走！ -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-9-2 (#4656535@0)

能体谅你的感受，作为丈夫，男人最重要的是要有责任心和对生活的积极态度，在女人累时，能有一个坚实的臂膀靠靠。但抱怨也无济于事，只会适得其反。你应该多鼓励他，给他鼓起信心的风帆。 -kanyunting(kanyunting); 2008-9-3 {762} (#4659990@0)
我经常鼓励我先生的话是“我相信你的能力，我也相信自己的眼光，你是我今生遇到的最好和最适合我的男人，我对你有信心，无论你穷富，我都会一直陪你到老！”我先生挣得也很少，但我从没抱怨过。以前他FULLTIME工作，PARTTIME读MASTER，而且包揽了大部分家务。期间我们又生了二个孩子。虽然我们很穷，但我们一直很快乐，我知道他已经尽力了。我从不给他压力，他做什么都和我商量，我也给他提供力所能及的建议和支持，因为我相信他作为丈夫和爸爸的责任心。后来他告诉我，在他人生低谷的时候，我的话是他唯一的精神支柱。其实在家庭中，女人的心就像茫茫大海上的航标灯，男人就是航船的舵手，女人和孩子又是船的发动机，大家只有齐心协力，航船才有希望驶向胜利的彼岸。一个人的成功是靠30%的实力加70%的运气，人生不如意十之八九，很多事情是不能强求的，只要他尽力了，有何必在乎结果？婚姻的好坏在于经营，不是靠抱怨。

男人累了去靠谁的肩膀?小蜜的? -concrete(concrete); 2008-9-3 (#4660540@0)

谁都成 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-9-9 (#4675664@0)

还是你诚实 -concrete(concrete); 2008-9-9 (#4676444@0)

I regret posting a note here asked for advices before... it gives the impression that contemperary chinese women's moral values in a love relationship are very greedy and superficial -quicksliman(Hungup on Hardcandy); 2008-9-9 (#4675888@0)

Good that you've realized what you want.... -concrete(concrete); 2008-9-9 (#4676445@0)

好像唯一的问题就是你不满意他甘心打LABOUR？ -yangmum(平衡木); 2008-9-9 (#4676848@0)
别老拿对自己的要求来要求别人。你求上进没错，但你不可以也要求他像你一样。还是由他自己决定为好。至于目前，谁上full time，谁上part time，还是你俩商量吧。别人也不好替你家做主。 -knittinglover(Knitlover); 2008-9-10 (#4679266@0)
What's the purpose of marriage? - That's the question. -letempsdescerises(混世俗人); 2008-9-19 (#4701866@0)
理解楼主, 自己家里有LG能挣钱的或本身是男人又不想上进挣钱的, 才会说打LABOUR好. -vicky2007(vicky); 2008-9-19 (#4702593@0)

同感，特别是老公会挣钱的女人，有的言论看了真得很不爽，当然网络言论自由。楼主的压力能感觉到，特别是有了孩子。不过，夫妻沟通很重要，不要动不动发怒。有事好好说，好好商量。 -ibmlaptop(ibmlaptop); 2008-9-20 (#4704094@0)
还有就是夫妻之间要有共同的生活目标，如果生活目标不一致，就会出问题。男人就应该承担家庭支柱的重任，不说为自己为老婆，也要为孩子。说打labour 好的人，基本上就希望别人都打labour，大家都去打labour了，他自己专业工作的竞争就少了。 -ibmlaptop(ibmlaptop); 2008-9-20 (#4704097@0)

就整个社会来说，打LABOUR的男人还是大多数，照你的说法，那些LABOUR的老婆孩子都不能活了？ -justhappy(...); 2008-9-20 {649} (#4704208@0)
当然，如果男人既能养家，又能带孩子干家务，还把老婆当个宝，EQ也高，强壮帅气，还会哄老婆孩子岳父岳母大姨小舅的，自己父母兄弟姐妹都没有任何麻烦，当然是好，不过，满足这样的条件的男人不多，婚前都不容易找到，现在楼主已婚了，带了个孩子，去哪找这么好的男人？

只要老公还爱老婆孩子，没有家庭暴力什么的，打LABOUR的老公比没有老公还是强点，对孩子来说，有个打LABOUR的爹比没有爹也要好很多。

至于楼主自己要TAKE COURSE什么的，那不能全怪她老公，那是她自己的决定。

老公能不打LABOUR找份专业工作当然比打LABOUR强，我想，这一点，对她老公比她意义更大。无论表面上她老公是如何的不上进，内心的感受肯定比楼主强烈，如果楼主能理解这一点，也许能给以她老公一些正确的指引。

Well said. -080808(寻求帮助); 2008-9-20 (#4704256@0)

如果我是你老公，有一份体面收入又高的工作，我要做的第一件事就是把你踹了！你以为你是林青霞阿！ -57604884(旱天雷); 2008-9-20 (#4704109@0)
坚决支持离.既然LZ喜欢的是任何环境下都能挣钱的老公,现在这个肯定不符合. 离了后, LZ可以去找一个满足条件的老公, LZ现在的老公也不用受什么抱怨了. 这是对家庭,对社会都是大好的事.应该支持. 只是拜托不要说 till love him i would say. -raza(axeman); 2008-9-20 (#4704120@0)

NO MONEY NO HONEY. -raza(axeman); 2008-9-20 (#4704134@0)
就最近的毒奶粉事件,人们总在想,这些企业做人的道德底线究竟在哪里?对于LZ, 是不是也可以想想做人的底线是什么. 什么是你可以用钱买得到的,什么是你用钱买不到的?当你生病不能生活自理的时候,你能用钱买到一个人真心的照顾吗? -raza(axeman); 2008-9-20 (#4704174@0)

如果他老公平时能分担家务，在生活上面照顾他，心疼她，估计楼主也没有这么多怨言。你没看到楼主写“Now I am still taking courses in my spare time. Its not easy for me. I have to work, taking care of my son, doing housework, taking caurses...“。 -ibmlaptop(ibmlaptop); 2008-9-20 (#4704184@0)
要不Rolia有这么多单身爹妈？ -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-9-20 (#4704242@0)
甚末道德底线? LZ 做了很多. 对家庭很尽力. 男人做不好, 妻子很吃力. 为一的问提是她太捞道, 报怨. 而男人最讨厌这点. LZ 傻.做了这莫多, 吃力不讨好. -cat71(cat71); 2008-9-23 (#4713468@0)

你是一个很好强的女人，你在你的能力之内已经做得很好了。但是我们没有理由要求别人也像我们一样，特别是一个爱自己的人。 -applewood01(苹果树林); 2008-9-23 {888} (#4712944@0)
你把老公的工作，金钱还有面子这些东西看的太重了。女人虽然嘴上总是说了要依靠自己，但是潜意识里还是希望能够夫贵妻荣的，所以想想男人其实很艰难。如果反过来，男人拼命干事业，女人只是满足一份还算凑合的工作，甚至不用工作，都是很正常的。

既然你的老公他自己对打工都没有什么不平衡，而且已经适应了，你又为什么总是当成一个心事呢，你老公不管挣多挣少，至少一直在工作着，你的薪水也很好了，你们家的经济应该还可以了，你如果真的爱他，就不要再抱怨逼迫他了，自己能做得尽量做到，一些家务什么的和他一起分担，可能他感觉到了你对他的瞧不起，所以反倒有了逆反心理，更不愿意帮你，但是一想到自己的处境，也没有资格说你什么，对你的怨气其实是埋在心里的。互相都把对对方的怨气埋在心里，这是多么可悲的事情啊。

你为什么不能心情开朗些，心态平和些，接收这个你自己选择并且还爱着的老公呢，你为什么不能就不能营造一种和谐的家庭气氛，一家人和和气气安安稳稳的过日子呢。身体上的累并不是主要的，那种压抑的家庭气氛才更让人觉得累。

反正也要顶 -shaoxing(绍兴师爷); 2008-9-24 (#4714181@0)

You are contradicting yourself.

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